Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Undoubtedly, recently, the matter of
art
and
music
studying in secondary
school
and its corresponding impacts has sparked a heated debate. I fully agree with
this
fact that
although
history, literature or other lessons are surely valuable to
teen
Fix the agreement mistake
teens
show examples
, it is better for students to read and learn
music
and
art
much more. In turn,
this
essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
fact. On the one hand, the study of
art
and
music
in youth age can provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society with some noticeable effects which are rooted in the fact that the merits of
peaceful
Correct article usage
a peaceful
show examples
life
,
as well as
,
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
show examples
life
are inextricably bound up.
That is
to say that people are extremely able to gain calm when they deal with
art
and
music
,
thus
they must be required to learn
art
and
music
in secondary
school
. As a tangible example, wickedness in students who learned
art
and
music
in secondary
school
was remarkably less than others, at approximately one-sixth.
On the other hand
, learning
art
and
music
in secondary
school
might decrease the consequences of unwanted events
such
as disappointment in teenagers. Some psychiatrists and psychologists declared that students
learnt
Correct pronoun usage
who learnt
show examples
these two craft
Change the determiner
this two craft
these two crafts
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the adult age had a more successful
life
than others.
Hence
, studying
art
and
music
must be taken into account in all stages of people’s
life
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in secondary
school
. To summarize, some people are of the opinion that literature, history, mathematics and science must be honoured similar to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
and
music
,
while
others are opposed to
this
view. I am sure that
art
and
music
studying are much more valuable than the other sciences
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in secondary
school
.
Submitted by kiarashjamshidi866 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and the points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples related to the benefits of studying art and music in secondary school. Support your points with clear and comprehensive ideas.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster creativity
  • innovative thinking
  • emotional well-being
  • reduce stress
  • creative expression
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusive and diverse society
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • spatial-temporal reasoning
  • language development
  • career opportunities
  • creative industries
  • contributors to the economy
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