Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

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Undoubtedly, recently, the matter of
art
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and
music
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studying in secondary
school
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and its corresponding impacts has sparked a heated debate. I fully agree with
this
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fact that
although
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history, literature or other lessons are surely valuable to
teen
Fix the agreement mistake
teens
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, it is better for students to read and learn
music
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and
art
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much more. In turn,
this
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essay will discuss the reasons behind
this
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fact. On the one hand, the study of
art
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and
music
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in youth age can provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society with some noticeable effects which are rooted in the fact that the merits of
peaceful
Correct article usage
a peaceful
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life
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,
as well as
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,
happy
Correct article usage
a happy
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life
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are inextricably bound up.
That is
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to say that people are extremely able to gain calm when they deal with
art
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and
music
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,
thus
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they must be required to learn
art
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and
music
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in secondary
school
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. As a tangible example, wickedness in students who learned
art
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and
music
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in secondary
school
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was remarkably less than others, at approximately one-sixth.
On the other hand
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, learning
art
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and
music
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in secondary
school
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might decrease the consequences of unwanted events
such
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as disappointment in teenagers. Some psychiatrists and psychologists declared that students
learnt
Correct pronoun usage
who learnt
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these two craft
Change the determiner
this two craft
these two crafts
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in
Change preposition
at
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the adult age had a more successful
life
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than others.
Hence
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, studying
art
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and
music
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must be taken into account in all stages of people’s
life
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especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in secondary
school
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. To summarize, some people are of the opinion that literature, history, mathematics and science must be honoured similar to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
art
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and
music
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,
while
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others are opposed to
this
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view. I am sure that
art
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and
music
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studying are much more valuable than the other sciences
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in secondary
school
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by kiarashjamshidi866 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position on the topic and the points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples related to the benefits of studying art and music in secondary school. Support your points with clear and comprehensive ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster creativity
  • innovative thinking
  • emotional well-being
  • reduce stress
  • creative expression
  • cultural awareness
  • inclusive and diverse society
  • cognitive development
  • academic performance
  • spatial-temporal reasoning
  • language development
  • career opportunities
  • creative industries
  • contributors to the economy
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