IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays a lot of information about medical conditions and illnesses is freely available on the internet. Is this a good thing or a bad thing for most people? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Generally speaking, information is now available online for all users and can be reached within fractions of a second with a simple click.
Although
Linking Words
 having the latter is of high benefit,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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I am in favour of physician consultation. Below is a brief of two reasons behind my position. The first and most important reason is that years of study and experience can't be
summarized
Use the right word
summarised
show examples
 by a
google
Fix capitalization
Google
show examples
 search.
This
Linking Words
 is because articles can be written by unknown doctors or
worst
Correct word choice
worse
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 by nurses who are not eligible to do
this
Linking Words
. Publications can
also
Linking Words
 be outdated.
For example
Linking Words
, I once googled the following
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 "At what temperature should I give Panadol to my
child".
Punctuation problem
child?".
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 The answer was 37.8
while
Linking Words
 our doctor advised 38.3 degrees.
Moreover
Linking Words
, an article published on "Health Magazine"
last
Linking Words
 month stated that 20% of ER admission cases are
due to
Linking Words
 wrong information found online. In opposition to
this
Linking Words
 first argument, another point of view claims that people can
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
show examples
this
Linking Words
 online search because they aren't
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
able to afford emergency admissions or expert visits.
Also
Linking Words
, having an emergency after 12 am and not being able to obtain any assistance is very critical
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 when reaching the hospital seems impossible.
For instance
Linking Words
, I
had once
Correct word order
once had
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 a very strong stomach ache and I was not sure of the medicine dosage to be taken. Referring to the internet, I acknowledged that two tabs are sufficient for
this
Linking Words
 common case.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, a statistic made by Hotel Dieu hospital shows that 44% of people can't afford to pay for a clinic visit and
thus
Linking Words
 refer to online
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 to get a cure or a prescription. In conclusion, the information found through
google
Fix capitalization
Google
show examples
 can be beneficial sometimes, yet it can be very harmful when it comes to serious cases that should be treated in clinics or emergency rooms. Despite
this
Linking Words
, I still prefer to visit the expert.

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but you could improve the connection between ideas. Try to use more linking words like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', and 'finally' to help your reader follow your argument better.
task achievement
While your points are valid, make sure to elaborate on them more. Each reason should be fully explained to show why it matters. Use examples to support your ideas as much as you can.
grammar and clarity
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and awkward sentences. Simplifying your language can help improve clarity and make your points stronger. For example, instead of 'having the latter is of high benefit', you could say 'having this information is very useful'.
example
You included relevant examples from your own experience, which adds credibility to your argument. This also shows your understanding of the topic, making your piece more engaging.
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