Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.

#people #traditions #attractions #tourists

It is true that traditional cultures have attracted more and more visitors and have generated extreme profit for

tourism industry

Suggestion

the tourism industry

. While I tend towards the viewpoint that local cultures should not

being

Suggestion

exploited for earning money from travellers, I believe that there is a better alternative to preserve these customs. On the one hand, there are clear arguments against

culture

commodification

. When traditions are treated like commodities, it would be changed to satisfy

tourists

Suggestion

tourists'

tourist

needs. As

consequence

Suggestion

a consequence

, financial profits gained can lead to

culture

erosion which damages local customs. A significant example is The Mosuo Tribe in China, where locals

have changed

Suggestion

change

their daily activities in order to deliver

visitors

Suggestion

visitors'

visitor's

experience and gain money from those travellers. In result, the traditional way of life has been replaced with tourist services, which brings more money for local people.

On the other hand

, the protection from local

government

is a trusted way to prevent an indigenous

culture

from elimination. To explain, the financial budget from the

government

stably support resident of attractions maintain their conventions.

Furthermore

, the local authorities can help attractions receive public awareness, which brings to local people not only donations but

also

numerous

supporting

exhibiting or calling for sportsmanship or fair play

sporting

activities

from

Suggestion

individuals.

For example

, several indigenous attractions in North Viet Nam have been supported by charities and volunteers after fundraising events hosted by the

government

. As

result

Suggestion

a result

, these traditions have been survived, and the cultures of these places are widely spreading not only to domestic but

also

outlanders

Suggestion

Outlanders

. In conclusion, it seems to me that the drawbacks of

culture

Suggestion

cultural

commodification

outweigh the benefits, and the local

government

plays

Suggestion

play

a vital role in saving these indigenous cultures.

Submitted by Tuan Anh Dang on Sat Jun 27 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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4Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

273 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Commercialization
Dilution of cultural traditions
Authenticity
Cultural heritage
Revenue
Financial support
Preservation
Promotion
Commodification of culture
Intrinsic value
Exposure
Global awareness
Respect and understanding
Economic gain
Local communities
Decision-making processes
Respectful portrayal

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Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making attractions aimed at tourists. Others believe it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss on both sides and give your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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