IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

some people think government should invest more money in teaching science than others subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #science #subjects #country #progress
funding
Suggestion
Funding
 for
education
 which play a key role in the growth of a nation is a major topic of concern in modern society.
people
Suggestion
People
 have different views about whether the government should subsidize
science
 subjects than others for the betterment of a country or not.
to
Suggestion
To
 a certain extent
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 agree that
science
education
 is
invitable
incapable of being avoided or prevented
inevitable
unbeatable
inevitably
,
however
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
also
 believe that they cannot ignore non-scientific subjects.
on
Suggestion
On
 the one hand,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 agree that the investment in
science
 subjects has its own benefits.
firstly
Suggestion
Firstly
, a highly trained intellectual workforce may be created by concentrating on
science
, leading to a
longterm
Suggestion
long term
 improvement of the country.
secondly
Suggestion
Secondly
, there are several jobs that require
science
Suggestion
scientific
knowledge
Accept comma addition
knowledge, such
such
 as
physicist
Suggestion
physicists
a physicist
, medical scientist and so on.
without
Suggestion
Without
science
-based understanding, people cannot get these kinds of jobs which helps create more commercial value.
lastly
Suggestion
Lastly
, imagine that if
science
 does not exist, will the modern world today be the same?
the
Suggestion
The
 answer is absolutely 'no'.
as
Suggestion
As
 its products
such
 as computers or computerised
machinary
machines or machine systems collectively
machinery
 may not be eventually invented.
on
Suggestion
On
 the other hand,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 am of the opinion that non-scientific subjects are as important as
science
education
.
the
Suggestion
The
first
 reason for
this
 is because subjects like arts or history play an essential part in helping students get comprehensive knowledge and
then
 become a well-rounded person.
for
Suggestion
For
 instance,
arts
Suggestion
the arts
helps
Suggestion
help
 student be more creative and confident in expressing themselves, which cannot be
achieve
Suggestion
achieved
 if depends on math and
science
 only.
in
Suggestion
In
 addition
for
Suggestion
to
 the reason above,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
also
 believe that if people disregard these subjects,
this
 might cause an imbalance in the distribution of
nation's workforce
Suggestion
the nation's workforce
.
a
Suggestion
A
 country could not develop with
science aspect
Suggestion
the science aspect
 alone while the other ones are undervalued.
consequently
Suggestion
Consequently
, in order for the shortage of art-related jobs,
such
 as
journalist
Suggestion
a journalist
 or artist, to not emerge, people
shoud
expresses an emotional, practical, or other reason for doing something
should
 put stress on them too.
in
Suggestion
In
 conclusion, while it is required for the government to support financially
science
education
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 do not believe that a nation's prosperity can be enhanced if the other aspects are excluded.
Submitted by Thu Phương Lê on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • holistic development
  • technological advancements
  • critical thinking
  • cultural awareness
  • sustainable development
  • return on investment (ROI)
  • global competitiveness
  • job market
  • equitable education
  • funding allocation
  • curriculum balance
  • civic responsibilities
  • interdisciplinary approach
What to do next:
Look at other essays: