IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Recent advances in medical science have resulted in increased life expectancy over the past few years. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#advances #science #life #expectancy #years
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Modern medical science has helped us
in living
Change preposition
to live
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 a longer life. In my opinion, the positives eclipse the disadvantages in many ways.
While
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 there are many advantages, getting more time to live with our family and
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
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 chance of success are definitely some of the most important ones.
Firstly
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, because of
modern era
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modern-era
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 medicines and treatments, diseases are easily curable, which keeps us alive for many additional years with our loved ones. It allows us to contribute more towards their well-being.
For example
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, a few decades ago children were often orphaned at a young age, which left them vulnerable and lonely.
Hence
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, having our parents around to guide us even when we are legally
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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, surely has some advantages.
Additionally
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, a longer life boosts the chance of our success. It not only helps us to dedicate additional years to our education
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 increases
working
Correct pronoun usage
our working
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 span,
thus
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, the opportunity
of achieving
Change preposition
to achieve
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 more in the long run.
For instance
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, someone with more than 15 years of education has a greater chance of getting a higher salary, than others.
Therefore
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, if achievement and fulfilment are the goals, the same could not have been completed without getting to survive for a longer time with the help of modern diagnosis and medical science. In conclusion,
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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 technologies associated with medical science are a boon to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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human kind
Correct your spelling
humankind
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,
because
Correct word choice
and because
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 of
which
Correct pronoun usage
this
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 we have been enjoying the beautiful world around us much more than our previous generations.
Moreover
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, it has aided in our success too, making our life more meaningful.
Submitted by amritadey2904 on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the question prompt and provides a clear opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates a logical progression of ideas, with clear introduction and conclusion.
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