Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Earning a large amount of money than professionals who work in other important jobs is acceptable for successful elite athletes. Some of the society thinks
this
Linking Words
is fair while others may argue that it is
exaggeration
Suggestion
an exaggeration
. I am going to discuss these views according to my experience. On the one hand, sports professionals deserve a great compensation for what they do because they dedicate their whole life to be what they are now. It is a long pathway to be elite
athlete which
Accept comma addition
athlete, which
is started by training from
young age
Suggestion
a young age
to adult. It takes at least five to ten years. Performing on the field
that is
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hard and can be dangerous increases their opportunity to get
injury
Suggestion
injured
or worse which can risk their life.
Besides
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, some of sport branches need equipment
that is
Linking Words
consuming a great deal more money.
On the other hand
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, salary counting for them can be overcharge. When they reach the age that are not productive
anymore they
Accept comma addition
anymore, they
still get
the high
Suggestion
the higher
rate. Some of the athletes who are paid greatly are not talented enough. They are only popular.
This
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kind of sportsmen
are usually use
Suggestion
is usually used
is usually using
usually uses
their connection and follower to get sport advertisement or sponsor to boost their popularity. To sum up I personally think that sports professionals who dedicate their life for the country by trained hard to be elite athletes and won the championships deserve a great deal of money.
This
Linking Words
is
such
Linking Words
a kind of appreciation to value their passion and enhance their motivation to do better
on
Suggestion
in
about
for
the future.
Submitted by Marina Hardiyanti on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial remuneration
  • exceptional
  • merit
  • talent
  • demand
  • entertainment value
  • career span
  • physical demands
  • justified
  • unfair
  • criticism
  • income inequality
  • societal priorities
  • sportsmanship
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