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Band 5

It is sometimes said that social media friends are not real friends? Give out your opinion?

#media #friends
Social
media
friends
 are those
people
 you interact with on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various social
media
 platforms, but they are the
people
 you never or rarely encounter in real life. I do believe that cyber
friends
 are not reliable. It is essential that meeting new
friends
 and building friendships are risky ways to have a good relationship. Twitter, Instagram,
Snapchat
Correct word choice
and Snapchat
show examples
 have played a vital role in which you can talk to your loved ones at any time for many to feel less lonely.
As
Change preposition
According to
show examples
 a study, each year, internet users are exceeding
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a steep percentage so that with cheaper fees, internet access is widely available at a minimum price,
while
 going out
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 restaurants
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become quite extravagant.
However
, other groups think that social
media
 groups are not a suitable replacement for face-to-face meetings. Direct meetings create more emotions and bonds among peers,
specially
Rephrase
especially
show examples
 organized in hectic life these days only to show respect to them.
Furthermore
, meeting up with humans,
such
 as doing activities together to have fun,
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
 best way to release toxic elements each day from work. It is important that having online
friends
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 harmful to our private bubble because those
people
 do not exist. Taking personal documents as an example, all individual information could leak out if one of us using social
media
 accidentally
publish
Correct subject-verb agreement
publishes
show examples
 sensitive images
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or fake news. Needless to say, those career paths might be permanently destroyed even if we are trying to handle it.
While
 many
people
 consider having
friends
 online
is
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
 a reasonable way to create bonds
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
, I do believe some drawbacks in the opposite outweigh its
merit
Fix the agreement mistake
merits
show examples
.
Submitted by Phúc Hoàng Gia on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear point or argument and that this is clearly introduced at the beginning of the paragraph. This helps maintain a logical structure.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples or personal experiences to illustrate your points more clearly. This will make your arguments more convincing and relatable.
general
Revise sentences for grammatical precision and clarity to enhance the readability of your essay. This will help ensure your ideas are communicated more effectively.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion nicely.
coherence
There is a good attempt to present both sides of the argument, which shows an effort to present a balanced view.
task response
The essay addresses the topic directly, showing an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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