IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences

#people #time #workplace #home #work #experiences
Since
career
 is very
fundemental
serving as an essential component
fundamental
fundamentals
 to people
nowdays
Suggestion
now days
 in order to earn more money and raise their economy
.
Accept space
.
 There are more and more people spend most of their
time
 in
workspace
 and staying away from home only for their
career
 purpose
.
Accept space
.
Although
 it is believed that spend more
time
 in
workspace
Suggestion
the workspace
a workspace
 will give a lot of benefit
,
Accept space
,
 there
are
Suggestion
is
also
 a serious impact of disadvantages that must be considered
.
Accept space
.
 As people
nowdays
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
 are competing each other to raise their income
,
Accept space
,
 working hour will absolutely
effect
have an effect upon
affect
 the result of their
hardwork
Suggestion
hard work
.
Accept space
.
The reason why people like to spend more
time
 in
workspace
 is because it will be a perfect choice to concentrate to their
career
,
Accept space
,
 while there are no disruption from others
.
Accept space
.
 As for working
time especially
Accept comma addition
time, especially
 for employees who even sacrifice their leisure
time
 and work till late night
,
Accept space
,
 it will help them to get more chance of getting
promotion
Suggestion
promoted
,
Accept space
,
 while it will
also
 raise the income for the company
.
Accept space
.
However
,
Accept space
,
 behind these
hardwork
,
Accept space
,
 there
are
Suggestion
is
 something that might be
sacrifice
Suggestion
sacrificed
,
Accept space
,
such
 as family
.
Accept space
.
 When employees or employers are working more
time
 in
workspace
Suggestion
the workspace
,
Accept space
,
 there will be less
time
 spent for
family
Suggestion
the family
,
Accept space
,
 as it will loosen the bond in the family
.
Accept space
.
 The other disadvantages
is
Suggestion
are
 about
workers
Suggestion
workers'
worker
 health
,
Accept space
,
 because of them working late night constantly
,
Accept space
,
 it will give more chance to get some unwanted illness
such
 as heart
attact
launch an attack or assault on; begin hostilities or start warfare with
attack
,
Accept space
,
 obesity and many more
.
Accept space
.
 In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
 people may work more to raise their life economy
,
Accept space
,
 somehow
,
Accept space
,
 they need to arrange their working schedule
diciplinely
,
Accept space
,
 so they can concentrate seriously on their
career
,
Accept space
,
 but not risking family and their own health
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by jua on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: