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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people are spending more time in workplace and staying away from home for work Discuss its advantages and disadvantages with your own experiences

#people #time #workplace #home #work #experiences
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Since
career
Use synonyms
 is very
fundemental
serving as an essential component
fundamental
fundamentals
 to people
nowdays
Suggestion
now days
 in order to earn more money and raise their economy
.
Accept space
.
 There are more and more people spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
 in
workspace
Use synonyms
 and staying away from home only for their
career
Use synonyms
 purpose
.
Accept space
.
Although
Linking Words
 it is believed that spend more
time
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
workspace
Suggestion
the workspace
a workspace
 will give a lot of benefit
,
Accept space
,
 there
are
Suggestion
is
also
Linking Words
 a serious impact of disadvantages that must be considered
.
Accept space
.
 As people
nowdays
the period of time that is happening now; any continuous stretch of time including the moment of speech
nowadays
 are competing each other to raise their income
,
Accept space
,
 working hour will absolutely
effect
have an effect upon
affect
 the result of their
hardwork
Suggestion
hard work
.
Accept space
.
The reason why people like to spend more
time
Use synonyms
 in
workspace
Use synonyms
 is because it will be a perfect choice to concentrate to their
career
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
 while there are no disruption from others
.
Accept space
.
 As for working
Use synonyms
time especially
Accept comma addition
time, especially
 for employees who even sacrifice their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 and work till late night
,
Accept space
,
 it will help them to get more chance of getting
promotion
Suggestion
promoted
,
Accept space
,
 while it will
also
Linking Words
 raise the income for the company
.
Accept space
.
However
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
 behind these
hardwork
Suggestion
,
Accept space
,
 there
are
Suggestion
is
 something that might be
sacrifice
Suggestion
sacrificed
,
Accept space
,
such
Linking Words
 as family
.
Accept space
.
 When employees or employers are working more
time
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
workspace
Suggestion
the workspace
,
Accept space
,
 there will be less
time
Use synonyms
 spent for
family
Suggestion
the family
,
Accept space
,
 as it will loosen the bond in the family
.
Accept space
.
 The other disadvantages
is
Suggestion
are
 about
workers
Suggestion
workers'
worker
 health
,
Accept space
,
 because of them working late night constantly
,
Accept space
,
 it will give more chance to get some unwanted illness
such
Linking Words
 as heart
attact
launch an attack or assault on; begin hostilities or start warfare with
attack
,
Accept space
,
 obesity and many more
.
Accept space
.
 In conclusion
,
Accept space
,
 people may work more to raise their life economy
,
Accept space
,
 somehow
,
Accept space
,
 they need to arrange their working schedule
diciplinely
Suggestion
,
Accept space
,
 so they can concentrate seriously on their
career
Use synonyms
,
Accept space
,
 but not risking family and their own health
.
Accept space
.
Submitted by jua on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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