IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this. Do you agree or disagree?

#purpose #businesses #money
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, lots of companies are encouraged in established by the governments to promote international
business
Use synonyms
. There is an
opinon
a personal belief or judgment that is not founded on proof or certainty
opinion
 that people who doing
business
Use synonyms
 should focus on the
profit
Use synonyms
 and
that is
Linking Words
 the only thing they need to concentrate.
Linking Words
Nevertheless I
Accept comma addition
Nevertheless, I
 partly agree with that belief. On one hand, making money is a
hugh
greater than normal in degree or intensity or amount
high
 motivation for people to
working
Suggestion
work
, especially while there are many stresses
pressure
Suggestion
pressures
 on the staffs.
Also
Linking Words
 numerous companies
have been go
Suggestion
have been going
have been gone
 out of
business
Use synonyms
 because they could not balance their finance. Eventually,
that is
Linking Words
imposible
not capable of occurring or being accomplished or dealt with
impossible
 to maintain a
business
Use synonyms
 without
profit
Use synonyms
, even a
charity
Suggestion
charitable
 organization still need money from various
source
Suggestion
sources
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, ethics and personnel are important as well as the
profit
Use synonyms
. A
business
Use synonyms
 could not be successful while selling poor quality products with high
prize
the property of having material worth (often indicated by the amount of money something would bring if sold)
price
 or using producing process that harm the environment. Consumers will not select that
products
Suggestion
product
.
Also
Linking Words
 the quality of staff should be concentrated too. If the employees feel happy with their works, productivity will be much better. In conclusion,
profit
Use synonyms
 is very
important but
Accept comma addition
important, but
 it is not the only thing which
make
Suggestion
makes
 a
business
Use synonyms
 sustainable. One successful
business
Use synonyms
need
Suggestion
needs
 to harmonise between
profit
Use synonyms
an other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
features
Suggestion
feature
.
Submitted by Đinh Minh Thành on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial sustainability
  • Profit margin
  • Corporate social responsibility (CSR)
  • Stakeholder
  • Socio-economic impact
  • Ethical business practices
  • Customer retention
  • Brand loyalty
  • Workforce morale
  • Innovation
  • Sustainable growth
  • Competitive edge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: