IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. as many as two thirds of children are now obese. schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. to what extent do you agree with thhis statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise #thhis
It has been observed that there is a rising trend of gaining weight among the children of Australia and approximately two
third
 of the young ones are chubby. As it's a point to ponder, so the biggest responsibility lies on the shoulders of the schools to monitor the eating habits as well as the physical training of their pupils. I fully agree with
this
 as a healthy younger generation can become future useful citizens. Becoming overweight is a worldwide problem nowadays and it's more common in the youngsters. Increased consumption of junk food items and lack of activity are the key factors responsible. On the one hand, obesity increases the incidence of many diseases like hypertension, diabetes, ischaemic heart diseases, while
on the other hand
, it has a negative impact on the productivity of a nation. As per the statistics about 75% of the Australian kids are over the standard BMI and the country is facing health problems. The educational institutions have a pivotal role in the control of obesity and I
also
 believe the same. The checks on the consumption of food
that is
 the type, quantity and frequency of meals as well as the amount of exercise done daily can only be charted and kept under strict vigilance by the teachers. So apart from the studies, the school staff has an added responsibility as well
that is
 to keep the future generation healthy.
For instance
, the developed nations like the UK has developed a software at every institute to keep the young ones fit. To conclude, gaining weight is a leading cause of multiple ailments and it has to be controlled at grass root level for a physically sound future generation.
Submitted by doctor.awaisalikhan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: