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Some people think that hard work and determination can bring success. Others think that other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give own opinion

#people #work #determination #success #factors #money #appearance
A few people agree that material wealth and physical appearance are
essential but
Accept comma addition
essential, but
 I believe that diligence and determination play more important role in bringing
success
. On the one hand, it is undeniable that wealth and attractive looks are really crucial/ essential/ pivotal/ of great importance to achieve
success
.
Firstly
, I think when people have a good financial condition, they can learn in better schools. In fact Nowadays, more and more schools from kindergartens to universities provide good quality of training, but the tuition at those schools is very high. Some schools can be listed out like TH School, Vin School, RMIT University, and if you want your children to learn in these schools the fee is about 400 to 500 million VND per year, which is much more expensive than a normal school but equipped with facilities and excellent environment to learn.
Secondly
, we cannot deny that attractive appearance is of paramount importance to help people have a chance to
work some specific
Suggestion
work with some specific
 jobs like in fashion or film industry. Those jobs do not require a high academic background but good looks and talents. If they own both of those things they can succeed very early.
On the other hand
, I believe that hard work and determination are the most important factors, leading us to outstanding
success
. It can be seen
On
Suggestion
In
 the books and news every day that, too many successful people tried hard and kept being resilient/ gritty in their
fields
Suggestion
fields, although they
although
 they had an unlucky start. I always remember a story about a teacher whose name is Nguyen Ngoc Ky.,
Although
 his both hands were
paralyzed
affected with paralysis
paralysed
, he tried very strenuously to write competently with his feet. He became the most energetic teacher and was admired by everyone. In conclusion,
although
 more and more people consider that material wealth and physical appearance are so important, I still believe that diligence and determination are the most essential things to bring
success
.
Submitted by Thai Vuong on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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