IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people believe that in the future, modern technology can take the role of teachers in the class. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #future #technology #role #teachers #class
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In
this
 modern era, the appearance of
automation
 is a topic which people are interested
and
Change preposition
in and
show examples
 concerned about.
While
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that taking
aspect
Correct article usage
the aspect
show examples
 of
teachers
 in the class is possible,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
also
 support the idea that the
teachers
 still have the most functions. On the one hand, in my opinion, modern machinery cannot take the appearance of
teachers
 in class because of paying high cost and lacking some skills of
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
. It is not can be denied that in order to buy modern
automation
, the schools have to pay a large amount of money.
Consequently
, the fee of the series will increase significantly, so some young people are not able to
afford
Correct pronoun usage
afford it
show examples
.
Moreover
,
students
 will not have experiments of life which only
teachers
 have, because machinery
such
 as robots
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are
programed
Correct your spelling
programmed
show examples
.
On the other hand
, from my point of view, both information processing and avoiding interruption, are reasons why modern
automation
 can replace the function of
teachers
 in . It is obvious that it can quickly receive and process information which
students
 want to know. In
additions
Fix the agreement mistake
addition
show examples
, the quality program of
students
 will be guaranteed because
its
Change preposition
of its
show examples
 tenacity when
teachers
 can not maintain the program.
As a result
, not only can
students
 get more knowledge, but their development quality has
also
 improved. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree that the part of
teachers
 in the class is
replaced
Add a missing verb
being replaced
show examples
 by modern
automation
 because of information processing and avoiding interruption, i am
also
 for the idea that the character of
teachers
 still is most
importance
Replace the word
important
show examples
due to
 the high cost of machinery and no experimentedments as human
Submitted by Tuyến Nguyễn on

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task response
The essay does not meet the word count requirement.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are somewhat present but lack coherence and relevance to the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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