IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many parts of the world children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this case happening? How should children or teenagers be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes #case
An increasing number of criminals have done by children and teenagers in some regions of the world. The main causes of
this
 problem are the lack of parents’
attention
 and living with so-called bad environments. Several solutions should be implemented to punish them.
Firstly
, parents are working so hard in the
office resulting
Accept comma addition
office, resulting
 lack of attentiveness to their sweet ones. In the development of children, once they do not feel the love of adults, the children tend to do crime for the sake of getting
attention
.
For instance
, fighting each other or stealing in a supermarket as a prerequisite to enter a gangster that they think can engage the love of a family.
Secondly
, it is mainly because of living surrounded by unsupported environments. Fighting and verbal abuse have been
affected their
Accept comma addition
affected, their
 thoughts which enable them to think and live positively in society. There are two possible solutions to punish the
youngers
used of the younger of two persons of the same name especially used to distinguish a son from his father
younger
. One way is through physical punishment by sending to
children
Suggestion
children's
 prison.
This
 is intended to do the rehabilitation and teach them moral and ethical behaviour. When they come back to the community, they will have
such
 positive insights as well as new skills that hopefully help them to live in a society. Another way is by giving the love and
attention
 of parents to them. By loving them unconditionally, it would affect the
children’s
Suggestion
child
 psychology that they are loved. In
this
 manner, feeling supportive parents would make them more precious. To sum up, the main causes of the problem are lack of
attention
 and
effected
acted upon; influenced
affected
 by bad environments.
However
, the criminal numbers could be decreased by punishing children with physical reinforcement and giving them parents’ attachment.
Submitted by Putra on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: