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Band 6.5

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people’s #health #future
It is true that more people have
health
 issues in the modern world today. While people argue that their
health
 standard might lower in the long term, I believe
this
 can be avoided in some ways. On the one hand, there are several reasons
that cause people have
Suggestion
that cause people to have
 more
health
 problems nowadays.
Firstly
, most of the employees are facing challenges from their employers and workplaces,
for instance
, high pressure and stress could lead to mild mental problems.
Secondly
, people have poor diet due to their unstable working schedules and overtime.
Additionally
, unhealthy processed food is in high demand for most companies, as employees purchase them in order to save time to work.
Finally
, global pollution affects people’s
health
 as well. Contaminated food and pollutant environment have severe negative impacts for people’s
health
, including long term and critical disease,
such
 as cancer.
On the other hand
, these problems are possible to prevent in some ways if people pay more attention to their
health
. Fortunately, thanks to medical technology development, more diseases become curable compares to the past 100 years. X ray and ultrasounds help doctors diagnose patients’ symptoms,
as a result
, patients can be treated sooner and recover well.
In addition
, more pharmaceutical companies are producing nutritional supplements for people,
therefore
 they can receive nutrient, regardless they are not able to have a healthy food-based diet.
Furthermore
, there are
more dietary
Suggestion
more diet
 and physical activity guidelines that people can find from the internet and books, so that they can have clearer views about how to eat and exercise well. In conclusion, people’s
health
 standard might have a chance to lower in the future, while I believe there are ways to prevent
this
 from happening.
Submitted by Peggy XIA on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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