Some people believe that children are given too much free time. They feel that this time should be used to do more academic work. How do you think children should spend their free time?

It is often argued that

children

Use synonyms

are provided with a lot of leisure time, which must be utilised by indulging in some educational tasks.

However

Linking Words

, in my opinion, it is best for

children

Use synonyms

to get involved in some recreational

activities

Use synonyms

because it will aid in improving their level of Health, and in building social skills.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

why recreational

activities

Use synonyms

should be chosen over

Academy

Replace the word

academic

show examples

tasks.

Firstly

Linking Words

, when

children

Use synonyms

adopt educational work they may make their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

stressful and more hectic.

In other words

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

may find

such

Linking Words

activities

Use synonyms

burdensome which is certainly not good for their fragile mind and body.

Therefore

Linking Words

, another pastime activity should be arranged for them

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

outdoor games which

involves

Change the verb form

involve

show examples

physical strength. What is more, it will freshen up their mind and

as well as

Linking Words

will boost their potency.

For instance

Linking Words

according to

Linking Words

a survey conducted in Solan on over 500 students under the age of 12, it was found that

children

Use synonyms

who regularly participated in cycling, running or sports, had better health status and active

brain

Fix the agreement mistake

brains

show examples

Secondly

Linking Words

children

Use synonyms

who constantly indulge in games, have to interact with others or they have to plant strategies.

This

Linking Words

is to say that,

while

Linking Words

playing they will gradually develop social skills and confidence.

As a result

Linking Words

, it will enhance their academic performance, and the chances of their employment in the future. To exemplify, several schools in Northern India have included 'sports' as a mandatory subject for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

students

upto

Correct your spelling

up to

show examples

10th standard. The obvious reason for

this

Linking Words

is to boost the confidence level in them.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, scholarly studies make

children

Use synonyms

less social which may hamper

the

Change the word

their

show examples

overall

Linking Words

growth and development.

To conclude

Linking Words

, spare time can be better utilised by participating in physical

activities

Use synonyms

which has great benefits to offer the

children

Use synonyms

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

as compared to educational work.

Moreover

Linking Words

, recreational activity will improve their health and

overall

Linking Words

growth.

sugandha Angiras

Jul 3, 2020

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task achievement

Make sure your main points are explained more clearly.

coherence

Use better linking words to connect your ideas smoothly.

task achievement

Add more specific examples to support your points.

task achievement

The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic.

coherence

The introduction and conclusion are present, which is good.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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16
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

315 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

academic work
free time
physical activities
creative pursuits
community service
imagination
self-expression
volunteering
literacy skills
social skills
emotional development
outdoor games
sports
dance
playdates
broadens knowledge

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