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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days some people spend a lot of money on tickets to go to sporting or events. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#people #money #tickets #events #development
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In
this
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 busy, sophisticated modern world, people need some sort of entertainment to release their stress, while most people choose to spend
money
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 on musical concert or soccer tickets based on their personal interest. Whereas so conservative commentators believe
that is
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 a waste of
money
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 spending on those events. I strongly believe that spending
money
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 for your personal interests which make us worth happy is not waste.
This
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 essay will explain both sides of the thesis statement by using examples taken from Harvard Study. There is an ample evidence to show that attending cultural events will help the individuals to extol the virtues of their well-being. The main reason for
this
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 is twofold,
firstly
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, attending to these events can significantly reduce one's stress.
Secondly
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, it gives a noteworthy opportunity for socializing.
For example
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, the recent review from Harvard University revealed that, ambitious top executives in the 500 fortune companies invested a lot of
money
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 buying footy tickets for their clients.
Therefore
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, it helped them to nurturing future business contacts.
As a result
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, these events helped them to increase their business.
On the other hand
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, some critics comment that spending hard work
money
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 on sporting or cultural events is a waste. In another way, they suggest that it would be beneficial if they use it for buying assets. The recent survey on the monthly saving of professional workers, which was conducted by Comm Bank stated that, these employers who keep their savings had
good
Suggestion
better
 credit scores than people who spend a lot of
money
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 on useless events on weekends.
Thus
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, saving
money
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 can help us when we are in need. In conclusion, I firmly believe that getting an experience by attending to a concert is more worthy than having a more
money
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 in the account.
Submitted by Jo Hn on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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