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Band 4.5

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
I believe that balanced
Suggestion
I believe that a balanced
 daily routine between
leisure
 activities and the other. But these days due to abundant duties
,
Accept space
,
 people work long hours without any
free
Suggestion
time to break free
time
 to break. Maybe a little advantages can be found in work a lot leaving
leisure
time but
Accept comma addition
time, but
 in my point of
view it
Accept comma addition
view, it
 is
very optimistic attitude
Suggestion
a very optimistic attitude
 that many successful people in
works
Suggestion
the works
are workaholic
Suggestion
are a workaholic
! But is the fact that there is
strong relation
Suggestion
a strong relation
 between hard working and being professional in all fields.
Although
 it depends on that choose from them.
On the other
hand if
Accept comma addition
hand, if
this
 situation is an individual decision to improve self skills and activities there is no any difficulties
to
Suggestion
for
with
this
 person,
even they enjoy
Suggestion
even as they enjoy
 it. So can ignore
disadvantages
Suggestion
the disadvantages
 of just working. I think, Lack of
leisure
time
 has many drawbacks to people even the group who choose
this
 status. But the main disadvantages like anxiety, depression, exhausted, less efficiency, addiction and so on, is too possible to the people that under the pressure of their employer or other factors. Maybe in the short period not recognized these drawbacks, but it is very clear that in a long term situation observed all of the items. In conclusion, for prevention of the disadvantages of
this
 subject involved, boost the efficiency at work or other duties, help the mentality healthy in society, improve the relationship in families and reduce the social damages it is so necessary to be a rules to support the people for balanced their life that have enough
leisure
time
 during the week.
Submitted by shghygh on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
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