IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think the manufacturers or shopping malls should sell less packaged products and others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The question of who is obligated to tackle the problem of over-packaging has sparked heated debate. Some think that the producers and retail shops should sell less packaged products,
while
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 others view that consumers have responsibility regarding their choices. In the essay, I will elucidate both standpoints in more detail and offer my personal opinions. On one hand, manufacturers and sellers can actually mitigate the negative impacts that the phenomena bring to the environment, and
further
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 enjoy lower costs and spending. And, there are many techniques that can be implemented.
For example
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, they can claim that their products are based on natural substances and craft an image of eco-friendly.
Therefore
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, in order to protect Mother Earth, the finished goods are intentionally designed and less packaged. In
this
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 way, a company that uses the strategy can not only reduce waste but
also
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 build a positive brand image.
On the other hand
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, indeed, individuals are free to make any decision and are responsible for it.
Furthermore
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, most merchandise is introduced to the market mainly because there are citizens who adore them.
For instance
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, obviously, over-packaging products are favoured by some
thus
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 they continue to exist.
Moreover
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, the market is generally driven by customer behaviour, if the public is well aware of what it means to buy an item that drains considerable natural resources, the populace may start to make some difference. In conclusion,
due to
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 the reasons listed above, I personally advocate that both parties are accountable for handling the topic. Generally speaking, it takes all humanity to work together to resolve
such
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 a question addressed,
otherwise
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 current situation will
last
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 and gradually get worse.

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coherence cohesion
The essay has a recognisable structure, but needs more logical flow and clear transitions between ideas. Work on connecting sentences and paragraphs more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is positive, but they could be more effective if they more clearly outlined the main points and restated them more distinctly in relation to the question in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each main point is expanded upon with clear supporting details and examples. The current examples are vague and could be elaborated on to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The response addresses the task and covers key viewpoints. However, the argument would benefit from a more developed personal stance with clearer progression of thought. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea that is further explored. The personal opinion could be stronger and more explicit.
task achievement
The discussion could be more comprehensive. Aim to explore the ideas more deeply and provide a balanced comparison between the two views before concluding.
task achievement
The examples you provide are relevant but need to be specific and directly linked to the argument. Avoid generic statements by instead giving precise examples that substantially back up your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive packaging
  • plastic waste
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable production
  • consumption
  • eco-friendly lifestyle
  • raise awareness
  • informed choices
  • personal carbon footprint
  • prioritize environmental sustainability
  • reduce packaging waste
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