IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed.what is the reason for doing this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's world, teenagers are influenced by peer pressure.Many families have no idea how their children spend their time while parents should be more involved with their children's bring up.I am convinced that
this
Linking Words
 is
issue
Suggestion
an issue
 have pros and cons
,
Accept space
,
therefore
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
 will
discussed
Suggestion
discuss
both
Use synonyms
 views.
Linking Words
to
Suggestion
To
 begin with, families in many countries have more tendency to have fewer children and they live in a small nuclear family rather than large extended family.
Linking Words
consequently
Suggestion
Consequently
,
Accept space
,
it is more difficult to raise
enormous family
Suggestion
an enormous family
.
Linking Words
however
Suggestion
However
, internet absorb
teenager but
Accept comma addition
teenager, but
 parents have to try slide change their routines and have deeply contact.
and
Suggestion
And
 other hand, mothers and fathers can play crucial role
on
Suggestion
in
teenager's life whereas
Suggestion
a teenager's life, whereas
a teenager's life whereas
the teenager's life whereas
 friends
,
Accept space
,
television and the internet become the main influence on them.
apart
Suggestion
Apart
 from
this
Linking Words
; children spend more time with friends or surfing the internet since
technology's atmosphera
Suggestion
the technology's atmosphere
technology's atmosphere
 is extremely mesmerising.
Linking Words
as
Suggestion
As
 a result
,
Accept space
,
juvenile
deliquency
nonpayment of a debt when due
delinquency
 is on the increase.
so
to a very great extent or degree
So
,
Accept space
,
both
Use synonyms
 parents should have
proffesional
Suggestion
professionally
professional
work
Suggestion
worked
.
from
Suggestion
From
 my vantage point
,
Accept space
,
mother
Suggestion
the mother
mothers
 should stay at home and clean and look after their children and the father should be the bread winner of the
family but
Accept comma addition
family, but
 on the one sight it is more helpful male
amd
in order to; used instead of "to", especially after try, come, go
and
 female share these responsibilities and they contribute equally to children
,
Accept space
,
cooking and cleaning. To recapitulate, children and their parents seem to be less contact together and nowadays
both
Use synonyms
 parents of work full-time to
persue
carry out or participate in an activity; be involved in
pursue
 their children's ambitions so they spend their leisure time with friends or surf on via
.
Accept space
.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
technologycal
based in scientific and industrial progress
technological
 advance is able to play
vital role
Suggestion
a vital role
vital roles
 on children's behaviour.
in
Suggestion
In
 my opinion
,
Accept space
,
although
Linking Words
 family has
both
Use synonyms
 negative and positive
impact
Suggestion
impacts
 on the successful way of child
,
Accept space
,
but the benefit of providing
awereness
having knowledge of
awareness
 outweighs any negative..

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: