IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The younger generation is mainly responsible for the latest technological developments. How far do you agree?

#generation #developments
Nowadays, advanced technologies
such
 as the Internet, robotics and artificial intelligence have radically changed the way we live and work. Some critics argue the younger
generation
 is mainly responsible for taking
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological development to a different level. I firmly agree with
this
 statement and
this
 essay will provide examples before reaching a conclusion.
Firstly
, they are the first high-tech
generation
 born into a world of computers, cell phones and the Internet. These digital natives are technically savvy, have innovative minds and a great adaptability to new things.
For instance
, the well-known Facebook networking platform was founded by a computer science student Mark Zuckerberg at age nineteen and he is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
considered a guru of
innovation
.
In addition
, other recent tech developments
such
 as Instagram, WordPress,
Apple
Correct word choice
and Apple
show examples
 were all founded by young people.
Therefore
,
this
 makes it clear that the younger
generation
 has a great contribution
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 most recent technological advances.
Secondly
, numerous young people are risk-takers and are not interested in stability compared to their parents and grandparents.
For instance
, a recent study revealed that the median age of tech startup founders in Silicon Valley, which is a hot spot for
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
show examples
innovation
 in the world, is only 30.
Consequently
, based on these facts, it can be argued that millennials have
had
Verb problem
made
show examples
 an important contribution to the development of the latest technology.
On the other hand
, some critics argue that the latest technological achievements were a result of the solid foundation formed by the older generations.
While
 it is undeniable that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older people played a significant role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technological
innovation
, it is the new
generation
 that added creativity and enhanced the pre-existing tools to unprecedented levels of development. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the younger
generation
 has played the main role in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern technological innovations. It is undeniable that their innovative minds and the willingness to do things that involve a high risk helped them to be the leaders of
innovation
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern society.
Submitted by andrusca.anamaria on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively addresses the issue, providing a balanced view. However, some aspects of the task may need to be further developed to ensure a complete response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are well supported with relevant examples and arguments. However, there could be some improvement in the paragraph linking and referencing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: