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Band 4

It was predicted that people in the 21st century would have much more free time than in the past. To what extent has this prediction come true ?

#people #st #century #time #prediction
It is ironic how technological advancements have made life simpler, but
also
 busy at the same occasion.
People
 these days are busier than ever. In my opinion, the prediction about individuals having more free
time
 as compared to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 past has proved inaccurate. The
ever changing
Add a hyphen
ever-changing
show examples
 lifestyle of the 21st century has demanded more
time
.
Furthermore
, few individuals are ensuring that
time
 available outside of working hours is invested in learning something meaningful like picking up new skills to keep up with the increasing competition, thereby keeping their schedules busy.
For example
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 study done by the University of California states that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the electronic era has made the life of an ordinary man busier by 40
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 than it was 2 years ago.
Additionally
,
people
 are always glued to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital devices in search of information to quench their thirst for knowledge with no
time
 to relax.
Although
 technological advancements make life much simpler by automating daily chores and bringing the world
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 fingertips,
people
 are still finding it challenging to spare some
time
.
Moreover
, globalisation demands some of the industries to
work
 and support 24x7 and employees need to
work
 extra hours to transition smoothly between shifts. Despite the fact that technology has made it possible to
work
 remotely,
people
 often find themselves carrying their
work
while
 even on vacation or attending conference calls when in some family
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
together. In conclusion, it seems to me that,
people
 today are busier than before. The prediction that
people
 will have more free
time
 in the 21st century seems a failure.
Submitted by pranali kshatriya on

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task response
Ensure that the essay fully addresses the question prompt and provides a clear position on the issue. Also, make sure to include a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.
introduction and conclusion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened by providing a more comprehensive overview of the essay's main points and a clear restatement of the position.
coherence and cohesion
The main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations, but the essay's logical structure could be improved for better coherence and flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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