Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both schools and parents are responsible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Most
children
are now living
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an unhealthy
lifestyle
,
however
, not many people may realize
this
phenomenon
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
a problem. Eating sugary food, fast food and not doing enough physical activities may lead to
unhealthy
Add an article
an unhealthy
show examples
lifestyle
. These habits are common to be found on
children
.
Parents
may tell their
children
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what is good and what is bad for them, yet
children
are likely to
ignore
Correct pronoun usage
ignore it
show examples
. Most of the
children
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
daily activities outside of their houses,
for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
show examples
going to
school
and playing with friends.
As a consequence
,
parents
may not be able to watch over their
children
throughout the day and would not know what they eat or what they do outside.
Parents
often assume their
children
are healthy as long as they do not get sick.
In particular
,
this
happens when
parents
are not
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
full awareness of their
children
due to
their busyness.
Children
may not get
full
Correct article usage
the full
show examples
attention
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
supposed
Add a missing verb
are supposed
show examples
to have,
while
their
parents
are away.
Although
in
this
case, they usually hire a babysitter to look after their
children
,
thus
Rephrase
apply
show examples
parents
are considered to be the most responsible party.
On the other hand
,
children
spend most of their time at
school
, at
this
moment the
responsibility
toward
children
shift
Correct subject-verb agreement
shifts
show examples
to teachers. The teacher should be responsible
to teach
Change preposition
for teaching
show examples
and
oversee
Wrong verb form
overseeing
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
his
her
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
during
school
time.
Therefore
, we could not put the teacher adequately to
parents
as it may cause bias in
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
to
responsibility
.
In addition
, the
school
may add specific
school
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
regarding healthy
lifestyle
methods in order to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
their
responsibility
in
this
matter. In conclusion, both
parents
and schools are responsible
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
problem,
nonetheless
, they must take
this
responsibility
cooperatively as it is impossible to solve
this
problem independently. Being responsible for
children
is not always easy,
therefore
children
must be given a proper education to prevent them from unhealthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
Submitted by Fildza Mahira on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unhealthy lifestyle
  • growing concern
  • crucial role
  • addressing this issue
  • promote healthy habits
  • educational programs
  • physical activities
  • establish healthy routines
  • nutritious meals
  • collaboration
What to do next:
Look at other essays: