Many people think that money is important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness? Give your answer with relevant examples.

Beyond a shadow of
doubt
Add an article
a doubt
show examples
, monetary aspects are crucial and directly or indirectly linked to an individual's happiness. To achieve a feeling of wholesomeness and self-satisfaction, we must do what we feel is right. Our heart and mind may lead us in different directions,
However
, it's our choice to stir in the right path
as well as
see what factors can contribute and play a vital role in
full-filling
Correct your spelling
fulfilling
show examples
that goal of happiness. Money is important for survival and not necessary to achieve happiness. Let us see what significance money has in one's contentment.
Firstly
, we live in a very competitive environment. Undoubtedly it is useful in maintaining a social status. Funds and assets that we own
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
in as an easy
such
as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way to measure one's self.
For example
, we notice that it's human nature that we consider if we have cash we can buy anything in the world.
Moreover
, If the individual is materialistic definitely funds can be seen as a source of excitement. Not only
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living
being
Replace the word
beings
show examples
spends
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
75% of their lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
saving money for a rainy day but
also
do not rejoice
life
Change preposition
in life
show examples
on a daily basis.
Secondly
, if
we
Correct pronoun usage
you
show examples
are too involved in just trying to earn more and more income and spend your life being a spendthrift, you will
loose
Correct your spelling
lose
show examples
out on your friends, family and loved ones.
For instance
, bundles of cash cannot buy health, true friends,
mental
Correct article usage
a mental
show examples
and stable mind or in fact anything white as the light.
Furthermore
Add a comma
Furthermore,
show examples
you can plant a seed, but you cannot get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good produce unless you give the correct care for the harvest. To recapitulate, monetary aspects in activity are just a small spec to add to our
ever lying
Add a hyphen
ever-lying
show examples
fruitfulness of the feeling of contentment. We must choose our own path and a colourful one to add more meaning to our journey.
Submitted by sweety shyna on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
To improve task response, focus on directly addressing the question prompt throughout the essay. Make sure each paragraph contributes to the discussion on the importance of money in relation to happiness with relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on organizing the essay more effectively. Ensure a clear introduction, body paragraphs with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a conclusion that summarizes the main points. Use transitions to connect ideas and create a smoother flow of information.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitation
  • foundational
  • comfort
  • financial stability
  • pursue hobbies
  • passionate
  • fulfilling
  • satisfying
  • financial security
  • peace of mind
  • mental well-being
  • fostering
  • social connections
  • fulfillment
  • material possessions
  • lasting memories
  • satisfaction
  • diminishing returns
  • wealth
  • translate
  • significant
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!