Many parents are unhappy with the amount of violence in video games, television programmes, and other leisure activities for children. How harmful, in your opinion, could this be to children? What could be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples

this

Linking Words

modern era, more and more

children

Use synonyms

are actively using electronic devices

such

Linking Words

as laptops, phones, video

games

Use synonyms

, and televisions. Many of them watch violent content or play online

games

Use synonyms

, which makes

parents

Use synonyms

very worried. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will discuss the main problems, suggest some solutions, and share my opinion. Nowadays, many young people prefer to stay at home, watch TV shows, play online

games

Use synonyms

, or use social media. Some of these

activities

Use synonyms

contain violent or harmful content.

As a result

Linking Words

, many

children

Use synonyms

experience stress,

anxiety

Correct word choice

and anxiety

show examples

, and even become aggressive towards their classmates or family members.

For example

Linking Words

, in India, a large number of students play a game called PUBG, and many have become addicted to it. Because of

this

Linking Words

, several

children

Use synonyms

have faced serious mental health problems, and in some cases,

parents

Use synonyms

have lost their

children

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

addiction. To solve

this

Linking Words

issue,

parents

Use synonyms

should monitor their

children

Use synonyms

’s

activities

Use synonyms

closely. They should avoid giving devices at a young age and regularly check their

children

Use synonyms

’s social media accounts. It’s

also

Linking Words

important for

parents

Use synonyms

to behave well in front of their

children

Use synonyms

, as kids learn by watching their elders. Another issue is the lack of physical activity. When

children

Use synonyms

don’t play outside, they may become overweight or develop other health problems,

such

Linking Words

as sleep disorders.

For instance

Linking Words

, in some Middle Eastern countries,

children

Use synonyms

spend hours playing video

games

Use synonyms

and rarely take part in outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

, which leads to poor health. To tackle

this

Linking Words

parents

Use synonyms

should encourage their

children

Use synonyms

to go to the park, do yoga, join a gym, or take swimming classes. These

activities

Use synonyms

can help

children

Use synonyms

stay fit and reduce their screen time.

To sum up

Linking Words

, if

parents

Use synonyms

spend more quality time with their

children

Use synonyms

and involve them in outdoor

activities

Use synonyms

, they will naturally spend less time on electronic devices and avoid harmful

games

Use synonyms

pr6272189Thu Jun 19 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction presents the topic well, setting up the essay nicely. It clearly states your intention to discuss problems and solutions. However, consider making your thesis statement more specific about the solutions you will discuss.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay flows well from one idea to the next, and the use of linking words is good. Try to use even clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument.

task achievement

You have provided examples to support your ideas, but they could be more detailed. For instance, when mentioning PUBG addiction, you could add more about the effects on children's daily lives or studies to make it more compelling.

task achievement

You included relevant examples that indicate a deep understanding of the topic and its impact on children.

coherence and cohesion

Your writing is well-structured, with clear paragraphs that make it easy to follow your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

307 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

desensitize
aggression
mental health
social interactions
inappropriate behavior
monitor
age-appropriate
educational institutions
critical thinking
stricter regulations
content ratings
enforce
alternative leisure activities
impact
exposure

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