IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The availability of unhealthy food, such as fast food and junk food, has become more widespread in recent years. What are some of the problems associated with this development and what action can be taken to solve them?

Unhealthy
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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likes
Replace the word
like
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 fast
food
Use synonyms
 or junk
food
Use synonyms
 are increasingly popular with young people.
Instead
Linking Words
 of choosing fast
food
Use synonyms
 as a time-saving solution for
busy
Correct article usage
a busy
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 time. In Vietnam, it is considered a culinary trend. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, we will talk about the
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 why unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 development and how to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Although
Linking Words
 fast
food
Use synonyms
 is gradually becoming a symbol of modern lifestyle,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these
foods
Use synonyms
 bring a lot of harm to human
strength
Check wording
health
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. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 contains lots of calories and cholesterol, so it can cause obesity
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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for
Change preposition
in
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 those who eat too much.
In addition
Linking Words
, studies show that regular use of fast
food
Use synonyms
 and carbonated soft
drink
Fix the agreement mistake
drinks
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, soda, etc., is not good for the
gun
Use the right word
gut
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. Fast
food
Use synonyms
 is high in saturated fat
Punctuation problem
. Triglyceride
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Triglyceride
Fix the agreement mistake
Triglycerides
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(bad fat)
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
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 blood cholesterol
causing
Punctuation problem
, causing
show examples
 atherosclerosis, hypertension and cardiovascular diseases. For these reasons, there should be solutions to limit the amount of unhealthy cuisine intake. If you're not really busy, cook yourself a nutritious
meat
Use the right word
meal
show examples
. To protect your health, limit eating baked or greasy
foods
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
, try eating a lot of boiled, steamed dishes. If you find these dishes
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
too boring, you can refer to the recipes on the internet to enrich the meal. Fruits and vegetables are
also
Linking Words
 good for health because they include lots of vitamins, minerals and fibre.
Moreover
Linking Words
, eating a lot of these
foods
Use synonyms
 can help you prevent heart disease, high blood pressure, some cancers
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 lose weight. To
sump
Use the right word
sum
show examples
 up, avoid eating
foods
Use synonyms
 that are harmful to health and
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
eat
foods
Use synonyms
 high in fibre, protein, and vitamins. Let's find more
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways
show examples
 to make us healthier.

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task
Plan your answer. Start with what is the problem and then give how to fix it.
task
Add more clear ideas. Give few facts or real life notes to back up.
coherence
Use simple link words to keep flow. Words like first, next, also, but, so help read.
grammar
Keep the lines short. Check for easy grammar. Fix mis spellings like 'To sum up' and 'sump'.
style
Write in a calm tone. Use easy style so your reader can see your idea.
content
The essay shows a good plan to show harm from fast food.
content
It gives ideas to eat more fruit and veg and to cook at home.
structure
There is some order in the writing with a start and end idea.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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