Some people believe that music should be taught in schools. Others think it is better to focus on Computer & Science. What is your opinion ?

#people #music #schools #focus #computer #science

It is certainly true that computer and science

has

Suggestion

have

more career opportunities rather than

music

However

school should include both

syllabus

Suggestion

syllabuses

syllabi

because

music

has own benefits.

Although

there are several

view

Suggestion

views

this

topic I

Accept comma addition

topic, I

would like to state the positive side of

music

Music

helps mental and spiritual growth of people. It is proven that listening or playing certain kinds of

music

individuals to relax, reduce stress and focus on their work.

In addition

to it is

also helps

Suggestion

also helping

enhancing

Suggestion

enhance

the human health. Many studies

proved

Suggestion

have proven

that listening

music

and playing

music

will reduce heart rate and blood pressure. For these

reason

Suggestion

reasons

music

will always be an essential subject that humans should not ignore. In conclusion, I believe that

music

might not be subject which directly helps students in future professional career,

however

music

can give

important contribution

Suggestion

an important contribution

to human’s spiritual as well as mental health which makes it indispensable.

Submitted by Ajay Panchani on Thu Jul 09 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

152 words

<40

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that music should be taught in schools. Others think it is better to focus on Computer & Science. What is your opinion ?

Fully explain your ideas

Some hold the view that ideas and information should be completely open, and there should be no controls on what people can read and watch in the media Do you agree with this view, or do you think that in some circumstances government should limit the freedom of the media.

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience.

Topic: Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games. What are the advantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

More and more people no longer read newspapers or watch TV programs to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development?