Some people believe that music should be taught in schools. Others think it is better to focus on Computer & Science. What is your opinion ?

#people #music #schools #focus #computer #science

It is certainly true that computer and science

has

Suggestion

have

more career opportunities rather than

music

However

school should include both

syllabus

Suggestion

syllabuses

syllabi

because

music

has own benefits.

Although

there are several

view

Suggestion

views

this

topic I

Accept comma addition

topic, I

would like to state the positive side of

music

Music

helps mental and spiritual growth of people. It is proven that listening or playing certain kinds of

music

individuals to relax, reduce stress and focus on their work.

In addition

to it is

also helps

Suggestion

also helping

enhancing

Suggestion

enhance

the human health. Many studies

proved

Suggestion

have proven

that listening

music

and playing

music

will reduce heart rate and blood pressure. For these

reason

Suggestion

reasons

music

will always be an essential subject that humans should not ignore. In conclusion, I believe that

music

might not be subject which directly helps students in future professional career,

however

music

can give

important contribution

Suggestion

an important contribution

to human’s spiritual as well as mental health which makes it indispensable.

Submitted by Ajay Panchani on Thu Jul 09 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

152 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that music should be taught in schools. Others think it is better to focus on Computer & Science. What is your opinion ?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some parents think that childcare centres provide the best services for children of preschool age. other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better carers for their kids. Discuss both views and give ur opinion

Some celebrations have lost their meaning and these occasions have become too much about spending money. What problems can this cause? What can be done to change the situation?

Novadays people waste a lot of food that was bought from shops and restaurants. Why do you think people waste food? What can be done to reduce the amount of food they throw away?

Some people believe that after hundred years life will be easier for most of people, while the others are unsure. What is your opinion?

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child development. However, others argue that other things like Television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your opinion.