Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

#people #music #school #focus #computer #science

The curriculum is always updated according to the necessities, interests or abilities of the learners.

Therefore some

Accept comma addition

Therefore, some

people believe that focusing on

science

and technology is better than focusing on

music

Suggestion

the music

. In my opinion,

music

is an important part of children's life.

Firstly

music

can help relieve stress and anxiety. Listening to

music

can help make them feel relaxed. It may

also

improve mood.

learning

Suggestion

Learning

music

increases the children's development.

Secondly

, Not every student is interested in studying computer and

science

. Thereby they must be provided with other choices

such

music

In addition

, some students are born with a talent for

music

, which makes them more successful in the field of entertainment.

Lastly

music

also

a career there are people who work in the

music

industry.

This

is supported by many

music

institutes

Suggestion

will institute

today and they are as good as those IT or

science

schools. Mahidol University is a famous university that prepares students to work in the

music

industry. In conclusion, I agree that studies in the field of

science

and computers provide better opportunities for graduates.

However

this

cannot be a reason to stop teaching

music

as some students might have the talent in the field of

music

Submitted by Thunyanut Srichamara on Fri Jul 10 2020

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

202 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
Some people think that children should aim to their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
Nowadays, many people think that kids should get the best results for what they do. Meanwhile, others argue that it is not necessary for them to do so. These two opposing viewpoints have sparked a lot of debates. In this essay, I will look at the issue from both sides. From my point of view, I think it is imperative for the youth to put in the necessary effort in whatever they do.
7
band
The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?
In today’s contemporary era, technology has become advanced, and is easily accessible to people from all sectors of the society. It is a popular notion that technology helps to prevent, and sometimes even solve certain crimes. Hence, resulting in decreased crime rates. This essay aims to substantiate this assertion.
7
band
The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Science, as a driving force behind technological advancements and societal progress, plays a pivotal role in shaping our world. The primary objective of science is often debated, with some asserting that its fundamental purpose should be the enhancement of human lives. In this essay, I will explore the extent to which I agree with this statement.
7.5
band
People have different job expectations for jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently. Write about advantages and disadvantages of each view point?
In today's world, one's identity is often inexplicably linked to his or her profession. People have varied opinions and expectations for their jobs. Many prefer the stability of being in the same workplace for many years, while others like changing employers frequently. Though both approaches have their pros and cons, which I will discuss in this essay, in my opinion stepping out of your comfort zone is the ideal way to enjoy life.
4.5
band
Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.
In recent times, people have shared different views on major enironmental problems we face. Special types of herbs and animals extintion as been considered the main loss, while there are also crucial challenges to our environment. I strongly accept that, the loss of certain type of plants and animals has an upper hand.

Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that children should aim to their best at what they are doing while others believe it is not necessary for them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

People have different job expectations for jobs. Some people prefer to do the same job for the same company, whereas others prefer to change jobs frequently. Write about advantages and disadvantages of each view point?

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.