Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

#people #music #school #focus #computer #science

The curriculum is always updated according to the necessities, interests or abilities of the learners.

Therefore some

Accept comma addition

Therefore, some

people believe that focusing on

science

and technology is better than focusing on

music

Suggestion

the music

. In my opinion,

music

is an important part of children's life.

Firstly

music

can help relieve stress and anxiety. Listening to

music

can help make them feel relaxed. It may

also

improve mood.

learning

Suggestion

Learning

music

increases the children's development.

Secondly

, Not every student is interested in studying computer and

science

. Thereby they must be provided with other choices

such

music

In addition

, some students are born with a talent for

music

, which makes them more successful in the field of entertainment.

Lastly

music

also

a career there are people who work in the

music

industry.

This

is supported by many

music

institutes

Suggestion

will institute

today and they are as good as those IT or

science

schools. Mahidol University is a famous university that prepares students to work in the

music

industry. In conclusion, I agree that studies in the field of

science

and computers provide better opportunities for graduates.

However

this

cannot be a reason to stop teaching

music

as some students might have the talent in the field of

music

Submitted by Thunyanut Srichamara on Fri Jul 10 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

202 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.5

Complete response

4.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Parents of obese children should be punished for making them fat. Do you agree or disagree?

It is suggested that primary children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages of this outweigh its disadvantages?

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and become more disciplined. Others argue that teenagers shouldn’t sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.