Some people believe that music should be taught in school while others think that it is best to focus on computer and science. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The curriculum is always updated according to the necessities, interests or abilities of the learners.
Linking Words
Therefore some
Accept comma addition
Therefore, some
people believe that focusing on
science
Use synonyms
and technology is better than focusing on
Use synonyms
music
Suggestion
the music
. In my opinion,
music
Use synonyms
is an important part of children's life.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
can help relieve stress and anxiety. Listening to
music
Use synonyms
can help make them feel relaxed. It may
also
Linking Words
improve mood.
learning
Suggestion
Learning
music
Use synonyms
increases the children's development.
Secondly
Linking Words
, Not every student is interested in studying computer and
science
Use synonyms
. Thereby they must be provided with other choices
such
Linking Words
as
music
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, some students are born with a talent for
music
Use synonyms
, which makes them more successful in the field of entertainment.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
is
also
Linking Words
a career there are people who work in the
music
Use synonyms
industry.
This
Linking Words
is supported by many
music
Use synonyms
institutes
Suggestion
will institute
today and they are as good as those IT or
science
Use synonyms
schools. Mahidol University is a famous university that prepares students to work in the
music
Use synonyms
industry. In conclusion, I agree that studies in the field of
science
Use synonyms
and computers provide better opportunities for graduates.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
cannot be a reason to stop teaching
music
Use synonyms
as some students might have the talent in the field of
music
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: