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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, the numbers of children aged 15 and younger are increasing dramatically. What are the current and future effects of an ever-increasing population?

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The birth rate has enhanced enormously in several developing nations, leading to growth in the number of young children.
This
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 growth will cause
the
Correct article usage
a
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 rise in food demand, and eventually, employability will decline.
This
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 essay will explain its impact with a reasonable example. To initiate, more population results in the enhancement of foodstuffs requirement.
In other words
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, a country needs to improve the production rate of the agricultural crops, to supply enough ration to its citizens.
However
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,
for instance
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,
according to
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 the report by FAO (Food and Agriculture Organization) in 2017,
the
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apply
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world food production still requires an increase of 35% to provide a sufficient meal to the public.
Hence
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,
this
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 constant increment in inhabitants can pose a major problem for survival.
Furthermore
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, a rise in the number of children means that there will be
younger
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a younger
the younger
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 generation in the future, to compete to obtain a suitable job.
This
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 is to say that, the competition among people will amplify for employment because
,
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apply
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 more students will pass out from the schools and colleges every year. To exemplify,
the
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in the
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 survey conducted by a private Organisation, in 2019 in India, it was found that approximately 1 million students graduate each year in Southern India,
although
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 just 55% of them were able to receive a suitable job.
Therefore
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, in the coming time, people may have to struggle to get employment.
To conclude
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, there are instant,
as well as
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, long-lasting effects of the increased population, particularly, the demand for foodstuff and, the decrease in the number of jobs in the world to come

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task achievement
Consider adding more depth to your explanation of the future effects of an increasing population. Providing a broader variety of points and examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your use of transitions to ensure smooth movement from one idea to the next. This will make your essay more fluid and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Try to include a stronger and clearer thesis statement in your introduction. This will provide a solid foundation for your essay and make your argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction sets a clear context for the discussion on the effects of an increasing population.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points, providing closure to your argument.
task achievement
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.
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