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Band 5.5

The younger generation is mainly responsible for the latest technological developments. How far do you agree?

#generation #developments
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Nowadays, advanced technologies
such
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 as the Internet, robotics and artificial intelligence have radically changed the way we live and work. Some critics argue that the younger
generation
Use synonyms
 is mainly responsible for the recent technological progress. I firmly agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will provide examples before reaching a conclusion.
Firstly
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, today’s youth are digital natives and technically savvy as they are the first high-tech
generation
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 born into a world dominated by technology.
As a result
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, they grew up surrounded by computers, mobile phones,
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
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 and digital television
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 helped them to develop innovative minds and
a
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apply
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great adaptability to new things.
For instance
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, the well-known Facebook networking platform was founded by a computer science student Mark Zuckerberg at age nineteen and he is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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considered a guru of
innovation
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.
In addition
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, other recent tech developments
such
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 as Instagram, WordPress,
Apple
Correct word choice
and Apple
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 were all founded by young
people
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.
Therefore
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,
this
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 makes it clear that the younger
generation
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 has a great contribution
the
Change preposition
to the
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 most recent technological advances.
Secondly
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, numerous young
people
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 are risk-takers and are not interested in stability compared to their parents and grandparents. There is a direct link between
innovation
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 and the amount of risk someone is ready to take, and it has been shown that young
people
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posses
Correct your spelling
possess
show examples
 both qualities.
For instance
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, a recent study revealed that the median age of tech startup founders in Silicon Valley, which is a hot spot for
high tech
Add a hyphen
high-tech
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innovation
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 in the world, is only 30.
Consequently
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, based on these facts, it can be argued that millennials have
had
Verb problem
made
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 an important contribution to the development of the latest technology.
On the other hand
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, some critics argue that the latest technological achievements were a result of the solid foundation formed by the older generations.
While
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 it is undeniable that
the
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apply
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older
people
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 played a significant role in
the
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apply
show examples
technological
innovation
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, it is the new
generation
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 that added creativity and enhanced the pre-existing tools to unprecedented levels of development. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the younger
generation
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 has played the main role in
the
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apply
show examples
modern technological innovations. It is undeniable that their innovative minds and the willingness to do things that involve a high risk helped them to be the leaders of
innovation
Use synonyms
 in modern society.
Submitted by andrusca.anamaria on

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Task Response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear viewpoint.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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