IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people opine that entertainment or leisure activities should be subsidized by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #opine #entertainment #leisure #activities #government
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While
 the worldwide need for entertainment continues to increase , people
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 different points of view on whether the rather large distribution of governmental money to maintain various forms of leisure is reasonable.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective , it is vital that the government
must
Verb problem
apply
show examples
continue to sponsor
recreation
Replace the word
recreational
show examples
activities
 . People who argue that a government already suffers scarcity of budget for important sectors like education, healthcare, transportation, trade and agriculture ; it is simply irrational to spend the extra money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 leisure and entertainment
activities
, which they place in a lower degree of importance.
Although
 it is undeniable that the government must not neglect
such
 basic needs of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society ,
this
 argument has quite a few large flaws.
Firstly
 , what they do not notice is that
such
 entertainment is essential to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society’s
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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 –
thus
affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
 health. After so many long , long and tiresome hours of work, what the majority of the world’s population looks forward to
at the end
 of the day is usually some form of amusement to balance out our busy, chaotic and stressful schedule. Without the relaxation, recreation and enjoyment these
activities
 offer, a being cannot easily let go of the pressures and negativity they endured that day. Building up strong levels of stress can ultimately result in depression,
while
 a renewed mind prepares her for the next nonchalant day so when it comes, she is ready to face its challenges.
Secondly
 , allocating
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
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 to promote somewhere like a sports
center
Change the spelling
centre
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, swimming pools, beaches, public libraries, zoological gardens and so on is not only healthy
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 can be a rich source for business exploit.
For instance
, preparing unique facilities near the sea can persuade tourists to come
while
 new job opportunities will be available for residents living locally. Conclusively, I believe any sensible
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 should allocate its money to recreational
activities
 because it is ultimately beneficial to the country as
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
.
Submitted by Bui Dieu Linh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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