IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The develpment among out society is improving people lives and therefore the way we live. However, such change also can bring disadvantages.

#develpment #society #people #lives #change
Nowadays, people are becoming more aware that our planet is becoming in danger faster than ever before due to human being activities,
thus
 raising concerns about the future of humanity.
To begin
 with,
disforestation
the state of being clear of trees
deforestation
 and air pollution are recognised by scientists to be the biggest problems caused
from
Suggestion
by
human being behaviour
Suggestion
the human being behaviour
.
Furthermore
,
signs
Suggestion
the signs
 of the huge impact are already noticeable in almost everywhere on Earth. Countries and inhabitants' people are suffering from and facing massive storms, roads inundation, respiratory diseases, earthquakes among other problems.
In contrast
, animals and our future generation will be the ones who will suffer from our wrongdoings.
On the other hand
, the variety of smart professionals that made incredible discoveries to equip our society are enormous,
therefore
, revolutionising the way we live our lives nowadays.
For instance
, because of the technology improvements, our day-to-day are full of machines to aid our day-to-day needs,
for example
, drive-less cars, robots, powerful medicines,
airplanes
, warm closes and many other important inventions enabled our world to be more enjoyable as it is today,
hence
 changing people’s lives for
better
Suggestion
good
. In conclusion, I agree that our planet has in fact developed in aspects of quality of life
thus
, extending peoples’ longevity, as well as
better way
Suggestion
better ways
a better way
 of communication and health treatments.
This
is indeed
Accept comma addition
is, indeed
, fascinating how our world turned
to
Suggestion
into
 a better place to live in, but
although
 various developments were made if the lack of awareness to tackle global issues
such
 as pollution, global warming does not appear with
further
developments
Suggestion
developed
develop
 our world and
therefore
future generation
Suggestion
the future generation
 will
severally
to a severe or serious degree
severely
 suffer.
Submitted by Guilherme Orioli on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: