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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is often thought that the increase in juvenile crime is a direct influence of the increase in violence in media. To what extent do you agree with the above statement?

#crime #influence #violence #media
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People
believes
Suggestion
believe
 that the rise in
violence
Use synonyms
 in the digital
space
Use synonyms
 is because of the rise in juvenile
crime
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. In my opinion, there is no direct relationship between
violence
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 in the digital
space
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viz
by way of
via
-a-via juvenile
crime
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 and rarely both can influence each other.
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe how
violence
Use synonyms
 in
cyber
Use synonyms
space
Use synonyms
 has nothing to do with juvenile
crime
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the
violence
Use synonyms
 in the digital
space
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 are more related to
cyber
Use synonyms
crime
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 or computer assisted
crime
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 which is rarely related to juvenile
crime
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
crime
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 committed in the
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cyber
a computer network consisting of a worldwide network of computer networks that use the TCP/IP network protocols to facilitate data transmission and exchange
cyberspace
space
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, not in the physical
space
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,
Linking Words
however it
Accept comma addition
however, it
 creates psychological and emotional impact on the victim. The
violence
Use synonyms
 in
digital
Suggestion
the digital space
space
Use synonyms
are
Suggestion
is
 more likely to be
radicalisation
Suggestion
, fake news
probaganda
information that is spread for the purpose of promoting some cause
propaganda
, online abuses,
threatening etc
Accept comma addition
threatening, etc.
threatening etc.
 which has nothing to do with the juvenile
crime
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.
Thus
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, related
violence
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 in media with juvenile
crime
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 is not appropriate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the juvenile
crime
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 is
crime
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 committed by a child who is below 18
years but
Accept comma addition
years, but
 the
defination
a concise explanation of the meaning of a word or phrase or symbol
definition
 is different from country to country.
Although
Linking Words
 some might
aruge
present reasons and arguments
argue
 that the children might a
crime
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 in the
cyber
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space
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 owing to that it is very less in number and is not
major factor
Suggestion
the major factor
a major factor
.
Further
Linking Words
,
violence
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 in
cyber
Use synonyms
space
Use synonyms
are
Suggestion
is
 more planned and executed very significantly to attack the
victim which
Accept comma addition
victim, which
 is very rare for a child to do. In conclusion,
crime
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 committed by children has no relation with respect to
violence
Use synonyms
 in
media
Suggestion
the media
 as well as there is no direct influence between both crimes.
Thus
Linking Words
, I disagree with the statement.
Submitted by Manikandan S on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • media consumption
  • juvenile crime
  • antisocial behavior
  • socioeconomic conditions
  • psychological effects
  • parental supervision
  • content creators
  • ethical responsibility
  • prevalent
  • mitigate
  • negative influences
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