How widely do you think the problem spreads that people spend too much time on work than their personal life and experience time shortage? What problems it cause?

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One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is

effecting

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affecting

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personal life

due to

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spending too much time at work

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apply

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all over the world. There is a wide range of factors that account

why

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for why

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this

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is happening. In my opinion,

this

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situation can be remedied provided that some effective measures are taken. There are

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

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myriad reasons

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for

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this

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soaring concern, unlike everyday

problem

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problems

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, which can be dealt with easily,

shortage

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a shortage

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of time, which is extremely perilous can lead to an array of issues as a relationship problem and

growth

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the growth

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of children. Thanks to the aforementioned predicaments, it can not only people

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apply

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but

also

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society can suffer immensely.

For example

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, most of the companies put workloads on their employees with tight project deadlines.

Therefore

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, in order to meet the deadline, they have to work late

night

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at night

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. Steps to deal with

this

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problem are many, but the most important is in fact not only remote and unexpected, but

also

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accessible and practicable. The primary one

stem

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stems

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from the

facts

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fact

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that by ensuring

implementation

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the implementation

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fact

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facts

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and policies, government authorities can help a native thrive.

Besides

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, international

organization

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organizations

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and local authorities should take all necessary initiative cumulatively. Only when convergent efforts from all sectors are ensured, can we expect to see some considerable progress in curbing the issue.

To conclude

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, dealing with work-life balance is one of the prevailing problems that

faces

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face

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people all over the world.

Nevertheless

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concrete

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the concrete

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steps discussed above can effectively strengthen the fight against and alleviate

this

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growing issue. Its potential impact is indeed too dire to ignore.

Navpreet KaurTue Jul 14 2020

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relevant specific examples

Try to develop your ideas more fully with specific and relevant examples. For instance, you mention relationship problems and the growth of children but don't elaborate on how exactly these issues manifest or provide concrete examples.

logical structure

Ensure that your arguments are logically structured and follow a clear progression. The second and third paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions to make the essay more cohesive.

introduction conclusion present

Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and wrap up the discussion effectively.

supported main points

You have highlighted some relevant points regarding how excessive work can strain personal relationships and affect children's growth.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

262 words

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How widely do you think the problem spreads that people spend too much time on work than their personal life and experience time shortage? What problems it cause?

Scientists agree that many people eat too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problem can be solved by educating people, while others belive that education will not work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, teenagers have part-time jobs while they are still at school. What benefits does this bring for the teenager? Are there any drawbacks?

Spoken communication is more powerful than written communication. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Motorways help drivers travel long distances faster, but they also cause problems. What problems do they cause? What solutions are there?