How widely do you think the problem spreads that people spend too much time on work than their personal life and experience time shortage? What problems it cause?
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is
effecting
personal life Correct your spelling
affecting
due to
spending too much time at work in
all over the world. There is a wide range of factors that account Change preposition
apply
why
Change preposition
for why
this
is happening. In my opinion, this
situation can be remedied provided that some effective measures are taken.
There are a
myriad reasons Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
of
Change preposition
for
this
soaring concern, unlike everyday problem
, which can be dealt with easily, Fix the agreement mistake
problems
shortage
of time, which is extremely perilous can lead to an array of issues as a relationship problem and Correct article usage
a shortage
growth
of children. Thanks to the aforementioned predicaments, it can not only peopleCorrect article usage
the growth
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
society can suffer immensely. For example
, most of the companies put workloads on their employees with tight project deadlines. Therefore
, in order to meet the deadline, they have to work late night
.
Steps to deal with Change preposition
at night
this
problem are many, but the most important is in fact not only remote and unexpected, but also
accessible and practicable. The primary one stem
from the Change the verb form
stems
facts
that by ensuring Fix the agreement mistake
fact
implementation
of Correct article usage
the implementation
fact
and policies, government authorities can help a native thrive. Fix the agreement mistake
facts
Besides
, international organization
and local authorities should take all necessary initiative cumulatively. Only when convergent efforts from all sectors are ensured, can we expect to see some considerable progress in curbing the issue.
Fix the agreement mistake
organizations
To conclude
, dealing with work-life balance is one of the prevailing problems that faces
people all over the world. Change the verb form
face
Nevertheless
, concrete
steps discussed above can effectively strengthen the fight against and alleviate Correct article usage
the concrete
this
growing issue. Its potential impact is indeed too dire to ignore.Submitted by Navpreet Kaur on
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relevant specific examples
Try to develop your ideas more fully with specific and relevant examples. For instance, you mention relationship problems and the growth of children but don't elaborate on how exactly these issues manifest or provide concrete examples.
logical structure
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured and follow a clear progression. The second and third paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions to make the essay more cohesive.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and wrap up the discussion effectively.
supported main points
You have highlighted some relevant points regarding how excessive work can strain personal relationships and affect children's growth.