How widely do you think the problem spreads that people spend too much time on work than their personal life and experience time shortage? What problems it cause?

One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is
effecting
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affecting
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personal life
due to
spending too much time at work
in
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apply
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all over the world. There is a wide range of factors that account
why
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for why
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this
is happening. In my opinion,
this
situation can be remedied provided that some effective measures are taken. There are
a
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apply
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myriad reasons
of
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for
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this
soaring concern, unlike everyday
problem
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problems
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, which can be dealt with easily,
shortage
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a shortage
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of time, which is extremely perilous can lead to an array of issues as a relationship problem and
growth
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the growth
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of children. Thanks to the aforementioned predicaments, it can not only people
,
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but
also
society can suffer immensely.
For example
, most of the companies put workloads on their employees with tight project deadlines.
Therefore
, in order to meet the deadline, they have to work late
night
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at night
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. Steps to deal with
this
problem are many, but the most important is in fact not only remote and unexpected, but
also
accessible and practicable. The primary one
stem
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stems
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from the
facts
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fact
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that by ensuring
implementation
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the implementation
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of
fact
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facts
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and policies, government authorities can help a native thrive.
Besides
, international
organization
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organizations
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and local authorities should take all necessary initiative cumulatively. Only when convergent efforts from all sectors are ensured, can we expect to see some considerable progress in curbing the issue.
To conclude
, dealing with work-life balance is one of the prevailing problems that
faces
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face
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people all over the world.
Nevertheless
,
concrete
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the concrete
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steps discussed above can effectively strengthen the fight against and alleviate
this
growing issue. Its potential impact is indeed too dire to ignore.
Submitted by Navpreet Kaur on

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relevant specific examples
Try to develop your ideas more fully with specific and relevant examples. For instance, you mention relationship problems and the growth of children but don't elaborate on how exactly these issues manifest or provide concrete examples.
logical structure
Ensure that your arguments are logically structured and follow a clear progression. The second and third paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions to make the essay more cohesive.
introduction conclusion present
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly present the topic and wrap up the discussion effectively.
supported main points
You have highlighted some relevant points regarding how excessive work can strain personal relationships and affect children's growth.
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