Some people thnk that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What factors contribute towards happiness?

#people #thnk #money #factors #happiness

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Nowadays, money has become

inseparable

Add an article

an inseparable

show examples

part of our lives.

While

Linking Words

the number of people considered that, bucks are

significant

Add an article

a significant

show examples

component for enjoyment in life, others believe that it is not. From my point of view, our existence may be joyful without any dollars. A person without money may be deprived of many desires, but there are some things that cannot be bought with money.

Firstly

Linking Words

there are a lot of

component

Fix the agreement mistake

components

show examples

and ways that contribute towards

happiness

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

as having a caring and loving family.

Moreover

Linking Words

seeing your parent every day or even playing some computer games with your siblings could drastically improve someone’s feelings.

For instance

Linking Words

, in December, I received significant cash bonuses for my projects.

However

Linking Words

, the upcoming New Year holiday turned out to be one of the most unpleasant periods for me, as I did not experience any moments of joy.

This

Linking Words

was primarily because my friends were abroad, leaving me to spend the holiday alone. When observing citizens of impoverished and underdeveloped nations, one might conclude that they tend to be happier than those in affluent

Correct your spelling

and

show examples

developed countries.

This

Linking Words

can be attributed to their stronger interpersonal bonds

Correct your spelling

and

show examples

deeper loyalty to one another.

Additionally

Linking Words

, the fast-paced and noisy lifestyle of urban areas can often be overwhelming, diminishing individual

happiness

Use synonyms

In contrast

Linking Words

, a simple and peaceful way of living fosters a sense of serenity, ultimately enhancing

overall

Linking Words

happiness

Use synonyms

To sum

Linking Words

Add a comma

up,

show examples

although

Linking Words

cash is important, it should not be viewed as the sole path to

happiness

Use synonyms

Fulfillment

Change the spelling

Fulfilment

show examples

, inner peace, and contributing to the well-being of the less fortunate are equally important. I believe that as we strive to generate income, we should

also

Linking Words

focus on cultivating social skills and engaging in initiatives that advance humanity.

Submitted by zeynalli.tarana on Tue Jan 14 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Work on enhancing sentence structure and the flow of ideas to improve logical coherence. While the essay is easy to follow, more complex and varied sentence structures will elevate your writing.

task achievement

Try to include more diverse examples or evidence to thoroughly support your claims. This will provide a stronger foundation for your arguments and help in achieving higher clarity.

coherence cohesion

You have included a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your essay and guiding the reader.

task achievement

The essay responds thoroughly to the task by addressing all aspects of the question, providing a balanced view on the role of money in happiness.

task achievement

Your use of specific personal experiences, such as the cash bonus story, adds depth to your argument, making it more relatable and credible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

10 paragraphs

289 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7
band
Essay topics: Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?
The desire to show off talents and be well-known has produced inventive individuals like artists and musicians. Having provided entertainment and music for normal people to enjoy, whether creative people should be given money from the authorities is one of the burning topics that was ignited and kept until now. This essay disagrees with this and will explain the reasons.
7
band
It is important for cities and towns to have large outdoor public spaces such as parks. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?
The discourse on whether outdoor public venues like parks should be extended to areas of cities or towns has become increasingly contentious. Despite some critics asserting some potential drawbacks regarding its potential economic burdens, I vehemently agree with the claim of expanding outdoor spaces, as it is essential for augmenting the overall well-being of individuals and promulgating social harmony on a social basis.
7
band
Some schools put the most advanced students in separate classes from their peers so they can study more challenging materials. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages?
The practice of separating students based on their academic abilities has been adopted by some schools to cater to the needs of advanced learners. While this approach allows gifted students to engage with more challenging materials, it has sparked debate about whether the benefits of such segregation outweigh the potential drawbacks. Although there are clear advantages to placing advanced students in separate classes, the potential disadvantages, particularly in terms of social development and equality, are significant and warrant careful consideration. In the following paragraphs, the benefits and drawbacks of this practice will be discussed, with an emphasis on why the disadvantages may outweigh the advantages.
7
band
In some countries, the numbers of children aged 15 and younger are increasing dramatically. What are the current and future effects of an ever-increasing population?
Over the last few decades, there has been a dramatic increase in the number of people aged 15 and under. Although, currently, increasing the number of people on Earth has a positive impact on social stability, from my standpoint, in the future, this phenomenon could become a subject of concern, such as overpopulation and unemployment.
6.5
band
Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
These days, there has been a growing debate about job opportunities, especially among the new generation of undergraduates. Some believe that choosing a job based on their motivation offers several benefits, while others argue that it is rather about the standard of living. In my opinion, I strongly believe that following your passion potentially provides numerous advantages for both professional achievement and happiness.

Some people thnk that money is one of the most essential factors in promoting happiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What factors contribute towards happiness?

Fully explain your ideas

Essay topics: Some people think that the government should give money to creative people, such as artists and musicians. To what extent do you agree?

It is important for cities and towns to have large outdoor public spaces such as parks. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Some schools put the most advanced students in separate classes from their peers so they can study more challenging materials. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, the numbers of children aged 15 and younger are increasing dramatically. What are the current and future effects of an ever-increasing population?

Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.