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Band 4.5

Modern cultures around the world have become similar as compared to the past. What are the main reasons for it? Is it a positive or negative development?

#cultures #world #development
The concept of culture is the combination of various components, including thoughts,
feeling
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feelings
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, attitudes and unwritten rules. Contemporary
cultures
over
Change preposition
around
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 the globe have become identical
in contrast
 to the past,
this
 essay will discuss the main
reasons
 behind
this
 similarity. The primary
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
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 for becoming similar in culture is tourists, when tourists travel to another country they get familiarized with the rituals, customs and traditions of a country and it is highly likely that they adore that bucolic, owing to the attractive and unique of
cultures
. A good example of
this
 is marriage, when it comes to marriage each province has their own rituals, customs and traditions leading to become unique. Despite the fact that with increasing tourism the culture of
nation
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the nation
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 achieves popularity.
Nonetheless
, the tourism industry is increasing in order
to
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for to
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people
 be acquainted with other
cultures
 and come into
in
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apply
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vogue. There is no doubt that modern
cultures
 are the backbone of the
countries
 on the surface, raising awareness contributes to boosting knowledge. The more
people
 are being aware, the more they are led to develop
countries
. Being knowledgeable is one of the most important
reasons
 which leads to
develop
Change the verb form
developing
show examples
countries
. In the same vein, awareness and knowledge of
people
are
Verb problem
play
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 crucial role in the
countries
.
Therefore
, it is a positive development in the country and even all over the globe which has positive consequences
on
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for
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of
countries
. In conclusion,
due to
 the
reasons
 discussed above contemporary
cultures
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a vital role in
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of
countries
 and travelling to other
countries
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
conscientious
Replace the word
conscientiousness
show examples
 or awareness of
people
 and
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry causing integrity in
countries
, it is considered as an optimistic growth around the globe.
Submitted by Niusha Razavi on

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Task response
Task response: The essay does not fully address the prompt. There is some discussion of the reasons for the similarity of modern cultures, but the argument is not developed in a coherent and focused manner. The essay should provide more specific examples and delve deeper into the positive or negative aspects of this cultural similarity.
Coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The essay has a logical structure and presents an introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting points are not well-organized, and there is a lack of clear and specific examples to bolster the main arguments. The essay would benefit from using more cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve the flow of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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