Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia.As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #australia #two #thirds #children #schools #responsibility #students #amount #exercise

Nowadays there are very few women in top positions of the most of life scopes, business, politics,

administration

Accept comma addition

administration, although

although

today women are

prepare

Suggestion

prepared

and have the same education of men and there are two crucial reasons why

this

situation continues happening.

Firstly

, we live in a macho society where men in top positions choose men to replace them and to occupy similar positions due to men think women are weak and they do not believe in their abilities.

For

example in

Accept comma addition

example, in

Colombia there are approximately five politic

party

Suggestion

parties

with leading men that choose their men colleagues and just a few women to be in there,

as a result

the congress have 260 men and 30 women.

On the other hand

, managers think women focus on the family wellness like the education and the care of children, cleaning and preparation of food more than in the

labor

a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages

labour

atmosphere, due to the lack of opportunities for women there are some countries like Ecuador, Perú and Venezuela where 70% of women are

housewife

Suggestion

housewives

a housewife

Lastly

, companies are very warned and try to

save the

Accept comma addition

save, the

more money than they could and in some situations women implies pregnancy money support, wasted time and money in training the person to replace her, for all of

this

many companies get the best opportunities and the top positions for men. In conclusion women have the abilities and skills to reach

top position

Suggestion

the top position

top positions

, to contribute

Suggestion

the success of any

company but

Accept comma addition

company, but

nowadays it is very hard because of the macho society and differences in interests and thoughts.

Submitted by Mauricio Vargas on Wed Jul 15 2020

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia.As many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some students do not have the natural ability for other languages. Some people think that schools should not force students to learn foreign languages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleep? 1)Tiredness 2)Dark circles

In some cultures,children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough

Due to high unemployment rate in some countries, pupils should be offered only primary education and not secondary education since there are no jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people say that what children is their behaviour. other leave the amount of time they spend on television influences their behaviour most. Discuss both views and give your opinion.