IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The quality of health care a person receives should not depend on the size of their bank balance. The government is responsible for providing a high level of health care for all its citizens. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued that people’s bank size should not influence the quality of their
health
Use synonyms
care
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 and they all should be treated with a good level of
this
Linking Words
 service from their government.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 statement,
firstly
Linking Words
 I will discuss that poor people deserve to get a
good
Suggestion
better
 healthcare and
secondly
Linking Words
 address why it is government’s responsibility to provide a fairly good
health
Use synonyms
care
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. Poor people are not affordable for caring enough about their
health
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,
as a result
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, many go to clinics or hospital only when they get symptoms of
latest
Suggestion
later
 stage
such
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 as cancer, hepatitis.
This
Linking Words
 is unfair when they cannot receive one of the most important aspects in life because of their financial limit.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study by
Vietnam social university
Suggestion
the Vietnam social university
 found that the cancer proportion of employees in factories in Vietnam increases 30% from 2010 to 2020 and many of them never go to see doctors due to high expense for diagnosis and medicine.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, only do governments have competence for passing law and policies of providing a good
health
Use synonyms
care
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 to citizens, so all people need to be enforced and poor ones could benefit from these rules.
For instance
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, since 1998 the
health
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care
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 program for mountainous people was applied, the life expectancy of people in YenBai has increased from 60 to 70.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, once people have good
health
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 they will work efficiently and contribute more to their country. In conclusion, In spite of the difference of economic levels, all people need to be consumed with a good
health
Use synonyms
care
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 service, and in function of managing society, government should be in charge of
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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