Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some men and women believe
that is
more beneficial to motivate kids for
competition
. While others feel
that is
better to become children supportive
in contrast
of rivalry. I believe that
competition
are
Suggestion
is
important for pupils’ to become smart and
practical but
Accept comma addition
practical, but
, cooperate are
more important
Suggestion
most important
for that, because it will helpful for teamwork like, class project, internship, group discussion, etc.
First
of all, numbers of people are frequently argued that the competitive natures are very helping
to
being one more than one
two
kids. The reason for
this
, while the children take a part into
competition they
Accept comma addition
competition, they
will learn a lot of real life things and develop a skill to face the challenges.
For example
, my friend has a stage
fear but
Accept comma addition
fear, but
, at the
last
year he was participating in dance
competition
program which is organized
into
Suggestion
in
our school.
Initially
, he felt
hesitation
Accept comma addition
hesitation, although
although
, his
team
members’ encouraged him and he was successfully
complete
Suggestion
completed
his dance. So, If
competition
is not exist
Suggestion
does not exist
doesn't exist
has not existed
in our life.
Thus
, we
are not strongly face
Suggestion
are not strongly facing
are not strongly faced
have not strongly faced
some challenges. The
next
argue is that taught the cooperation is more
important compare to development
Suggestion
important to compare the development
important compare to the development
of
competition
sense into
pupils
Suggestion
the pupils
.
Also
, I believe that learn of cooperative
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
to girls and boys are more beneficial because, when younger have a supportive attitude they will be able to working with
team
Suggestion
the team
a team
teams
and strangers
also
.
This
skill will help them to make their career as well as personal life like, making a
friends
Suggestion
friend
, work with
team
Suggestion
a team
the team
teams
, communication with unknown people, etc.
for
Suggestion
For
instance, by the
last
month’s article of times of India newspaper, the figure is described more than 90% company hired those people who have
team work ability
Suggestion
the team work ability
.
Then
, learned the skill of
cooperative
Suggestion
the cooperative
cooperatives
is must necessary
as a result
of, kids become more valuable adults. In conclusion, I feel that the value of cooperation is more useful for pupils to become
good
Suggestion
better
human beings, rather than encouragement for
competition
.
Submitted by ss on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: