Government investment in the visual arts, the kind you commonly see in art galleries, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Through
taxation
Correct article usage
the taxation
show examples
system, governments gain
money
as a result
, most of the portion should be deployed on public
services
. Still, some
money
is spent on
arts
and crafts. I don't think spending a little portion on
arts
and crafts is deleterious.
However
, the majority of the portion should be used for improving public
life
. From the viewpoint of spending
money
on public
services
, there are several benefits. To illustrate, we need to understand, what are the various public
services
out there,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
governments invest
money
.
Firstly
, the most cardinal one, in my opinion, is the education
sector
. Education is inevitably needed to build up a healthy and better nation as it is fundamental to augment the cognitive skills of every individual.
Secondly
, investment in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
sector
is essential to create a stable health system to provide better health support to people
as well as
to increase their quality of
life
.
Thirdly
,
transportation
Correct article usage
the transportation
show examples
system plays a big role in
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
show examples
life
of our common mass.
Hence
, there is no question of investing
money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
that.
Besides
, some other public
services
include the infrastructural developments which are necessary for the
overall
development of the country.
On the contrary
,
arts
demand some investment
also
as it will be difficult for that
sector
to maintain stability and progress without stimulation from
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the
arts
have numerous forms
such
as music, films, dance, books etc. Which are used to calm our mind and
get relaxation
Wrong verb form
relax
show examples
.
Therefore
, the
arts
also
help us to increase our quality of
life
to some extent.
To sum up
, public
services
are important for
overall
progress, thereby, governments should invest continuously
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
that. But, it's not a waste of
money
if some amount is spent on
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
sector
as that
sector
also
possesses some importance from a psychological point of view.
Submitted by Sunzid Ahmed on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific point and supports it with relevant details and examples. Also, make sure to provide a clear position on the given statement and support it throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is generally clear, but ensure that each paragraph follows a cohesive order and smoothly transitions to the next. Make sure the introduction and conclusion clearly present the main arguments and a final standpoint.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural heritage
  • Tourist attraction
  • Generates revenue
  • Mental well-being
  • Social cohesion
  • Societal development
  • Quality of life
  • Economic stability
  • Budget constraints
  • Unemployment services
  • Emergency response infrastructure
  • Balanced approach
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