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Band 5.5

News media is important in our society. Why is it so important? Do you think its influence is generally positive or negative?

#news #media #society #influence
With the advances in communication, the distribution of information is significantly faster and
globalized
Correct quantifier usage
more globalized
show examples
. Many
people
, all around the world, rely
and
Change preposition
on and
show examples
 believe everything they read, hear or watch on
news
 media. In
this
 essay, I will explain the importance of
this
 and why I believe it is mostly changing negatively how we behave. These days, the whole society gets informed by reading the
news
, listening to the radio or watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
, as a way of being part of what is happening worldwide and not becoming isolated from reality. It makes
people
 aware and conscious of the decisions made as well. In
this
 manner, if prices go down on certain articles,
people
 could choose to buy in advance and save for the future.
Nevertheless
, there are some drawbacks to
news
-media influence. It makes
people
 scared of going out on the streets by streaming only violent and sad
news
. When it only shows,
for example
, robberies and homicides
instead
 of the increase in volunteer work or special musical events, it can make the audience lose perspective about reality. Another serious issue regarding the media is fake
news
. These can create misconceptions,
wrong
Correct word choice
and wrong
show examples
 needs and increase violence between citizens.
For instance
, a lie about the spread of a particular disease will make
people
 buy, steal and fight for a bottle of sanitizing alcohol without an actual real need. In conclusion,
whereas
 being informed may feel essential to feel part of
this
 globalized world, we should be cautious about what we see, hear or read. The media
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
show examples
 exactly what it wants us to see and
consequently
 changes and may mislead the way we feel and act daily.
Submitted by claramorin on

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task response
The essay addresses the importance of news media in society and discusses its influence, but the examples provided could be more specific and relevant to support the points made. Consider providing more concrete and diverse examples for a more complete response.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that sets up the discussion and wraps it up effectively. However, the logical structure of the essay could be improved by using more cohesive devices, transitions, and linking words to create stronger connections between ideas and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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