IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Putting criminals into prisons is not an effective way to deal with them. Instead, education and job training should be offered. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people believe that
criminals
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 should not be imprisoned because it is not a useful way to deal with
crime
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.
Instead
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,
education
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 and training should be offered to them. I completely agree with
this
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 statement because
this
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 helps to change their criminal mindsets and allows them to secure
employment
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. Proper
education
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 changes the mindsets of
criminals
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. If
criminals
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 can receive effective
education
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instead
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 of imprisonment as punishment for their deeds,
this
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 will change their perspectives, thoughts and minds, which work behind their criminal activities. It allows them to understand and acknowledge their mistakes and motivates them not to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in
crime
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 again.
For example
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, in Australia,
criminals
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 receive
education
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 regarding the moralities and actual goals of human life, which allows them to accept and confess their mistakes and repent.
This
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 trend increases the possibility of not involving in
crime
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 again because
criminals
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 understand that they have
done
Verb problem
made
show examples
 mistakes.
Moreover
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, if offenders receive training
instead
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 of imprisonment, it will allow them to secure
employment
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 opportunities. The principal reason for
crime
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 in many countries is poverty and unemployment.
Therefore
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, if offenders get proper training, it will help them to build some skills and boost their
effiencies
Correct your spelling
efficiencies
 in any particular work.
As a result
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, it will allow them to secure
employment
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 options and will increase the possibility of not involving in
crime
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 again.
For instance
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, in Bangladesh, the government always prioritizes building soft skills among
criminals
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 by providing training, which helps to reduce the
overall
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crime
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 rate of the whole country. In conclusion, I fully agree that offenders should receive proper training and
education
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instead
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 of imprisonment. It will allow them to change their mindsets and secure
employment
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, which will lead to not involving in
crime
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 again.

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introduction conclusion present
Try to conclude your essay by summarizing the main points discussed in a concise manner. This would help reinforce your position.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with details or examples. While the examples provided are relevant, expanding on these points could strengthen your argument.
logical structure
Use cohesive devices more frequently to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs, ensuring smooth progression of ideas.
relevant specific examples
Add more diverse examples to illustrate different scenarios and possible impacts of education and training versus imprisonment.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the writer's position and sets up the argument that follows.
complete response
The essay effectively addresses the task by explaining why education and job training could be more beneficial than imprisonment.
clear comprehensive ideas
Examples provided are relevant to the points being made and help to illustrate the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • rehabilitation
  • punitive measures
  • mindset
  • behavioral change
  • workforce preparation
  • prospects
  • reoffending
  • employment opportunities
  • socioeconomic
  • low-risk offenders
  • serious offenders
  • balance
  • productive members of society
  • economic burden
  • public safety
  • offender rehabilitation
  • transformative programs
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