IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the modern world¬, it is no longer necessary to use animals as food or other products, such as medicines and clothing. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the 21st century, some people argue that we now have various elements and substances which can replace animals to produce meals and
also
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 supply
to
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apply
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the medical and garment industry. From my viewpoint, I partially agree with
this
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 opinion. On the one hand, it is true to say that
things
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 made from those living
things
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 can bring some results that others can’t do, especially food. The fact is people need to be provided with enough nutrients to live a fit and healthy life.
For example
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, protein, which is an important ingredient for the human body, is hardly found in substitute materials for meat
such
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 as green vegetables. The elements which exist in them help us to make more delicious cuisines, more salutary medicines, and
also
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 more durable, better fabrics.
On the other hand
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, the abuse of consuming creatures to manufacture
things
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 can
put
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pose
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 some threats to their life.
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, several endangered species have been killed each year to make high-priced drugs and extravagant interior decorations
such
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 as
rhino’s
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rhino
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 horn and elephant ivory. With the rapid growth of technology, scientists now can mix different substances to create
things
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 that have similar tastes and quality of meat which will reduce indiscriminate and illegal hunting. All
things
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 considered, animals have many features and characteristics that others don’t have to make a plentiful product for serving our demands.
Nevertheless
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, the utilization of them for creating daily necessities should be limited
,
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 but doesn't stop using them to avoid bad effects and save some species from extinction.

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Task Response
The essay demonstrates a good level of task response, presenting a balanced view on the topic. However, the reasons supporting the partial agreement could be further developed to provide a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay shows a clear logical structure and presents a well-organized introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting main points in the body paragraphs could be further developed and connected to enhance coherence and cohesion.
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