IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The young today spend a large amount of their leisure time in shopping centres. It is feared that this could have a negative influence on the young and society. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this view?

#amount #leisure #time #centres #influence #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Money and
Time
Use synonyms
, the two most imperative things in today's world. Shopping and spending on luxurious things have become mainstream these days. Where the majority of the teenagers, are quite inclined towards branded things, whether to flaunt to their friends or maybe the case of peer-pressure. Things have changed with
time
Use synonyms
, and I completely agree, that teenagers love to spend their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 in shopping centres rather than doing something productive in life. Talking about the younger population, spending on unnecessary things like branded shoes, Lv bags, Apple cell phones, Zara's apparel, and restaurants etc. It's not limited to
this
Linking Words
, many teenagers spend their valuable
time
Use synonyms
, in many of the plush spa and salons.
Besides
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, when they start visiting shopping centres, usually teenagers tend to explore many brands, and visiting restaurants which are out of their budget, which they end up buying & spending, even if it is not useful.
For e
Suggestion
Fore
.
g
Suggestion
G
, It has reported in the yearly report,
of
Suggestion
by
 state consumer of Mumbai, that almost 80% of the consumer market
is depended
Suggestion
depends
 on the people under the age groups of 14- 21.
Such
Linking Words
 an
attitude
Use synonyms
, which is not
appreciable
Suggestion
appreciably
 behaviour of teenagers, particularly when it comes to paying
on
Suggestion
for
 exorbitant products, and wasting their
time
Use synonyms
,
instead
Linking Words
 of utilising it in something more fruitful,
however
Linking Words
, they are not solely responsible for
this
Linking Words
, their parents play a major role in developing,
such
Linking Words
attitude
Use synonyms
 of an
attitude
Use synonyms
 and habits. Parents who have given liberty, and having a lack of discipline since childhood, and agreed on everything
such
Linking Words
 as no budget concept, not thinking before buying and is it really useful to them?
if
Suggestion
If
 ignoring all these things, the influence on the future,
young
Suggestion
younger
 generations will be bad for
e
objective form of "I"
me
.
g
Suggestion
G
, spending money and
time
Use synonyms
 on shopping can lead to a few possible things like
declination
Suggestion
the declination
 of interest in academics,
development
Suggestion
the development
 of an
attitude
Use synonyms
 by being superior in front of their friends, inclination towards social media, to showcase their standard of living which is not beneficial to them in
long run
Suggestion
the long run
. By observing all these things, many young children try to imitate similar things, and gradually start lying, and stealing money from their parents. In a nutshell, according to me, using your leisure
time
Use synonyms
 for shopping, with proper limitation is good, people can go, and enjoy their weekend with their friends or family.
However
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 management is very crucial in today's life, money cannot be wasted by buying unnecessary things. Comments:
Submitted by Samiksha Singh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: