IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #parents’ #home #school #friends #development
The trend of leaving home after completing
school
 is expanding because adolescents want to be independent, and I believe
this
 is a positive development and beneficial for themselves
,
Accept space
,
their family and to the society. Many young people, after finishing
school
 want to be independent because they believe it's time to earn and pay back to the state who paid for their education and support them when they were young to a certain extent.
Therefore
, the majority of teens are looking and start doing some job.
For instance
, many youngsters in the neck of my woods started working as cashier jobs in any grocery, food, stationery, pet, and liquor store.
Consequently
, within five to six years of hard work, they become the assistant manager, followed by the store manager. Now they own their vehicles, and some of them even buy their houses. According to many, they are planning to start their family and think about buying the franchise ten years down the road. In my opinion, the young generation moving out and living on their own is a positive development. When a young boy or girl after
school
 starts from zero and within twenty years, among many of them becoming the owner of the store or any business is undoubtedly a positive achievement, a moment of pride for their parents. Down the road,
this
 confident attitude and self-made behaviour impart the importance of money and freedom in their upcoming generation.
Additionally
, as a business entrepreneur and a responsible taxpayer, it's kind of a corporation in the state in enhancing the amounts in the Government/state coffers. Ultimately, I believe separation from parents at an early age after
school
 helps teens build their own lives on their terms and their positive development for themselves, their children and the society by and large.
Submitted by drrsali110 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: