IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that it is beneficial to show foreign films while others feel this can have a negative impact on local culture. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#believe #show #films #impact #culture
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Whether or not watching a
Use synonyms
hollywood
the film industry of the United States
Hollywood
movies
Suggestion
movie
 has bad influence on society is a
debateable
open to doubt or debate
debatable
 issue. There are some people who
claims
Suggestion
claim
 that seeing movies of
western world
Suggestion
the western world
 will be
benefical
promoting or enhancing well-being
beneficial
 for us. On different
side
Suggestion
sides
, many
believes
Suggestion
believe
 that, pictures from another
culture
Use synonyms
 will affect our own
culture
Use synonyms
 and has determent consequence. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
refers to the speaker or writer
I
wll
the capability of conscious choice and decision and intention
will
 discuss both
side
Suggestion
sides
 of aspects and give my personal opinion afterwards. Those who are in favour of watching of
Use synonyms
hollywood
the film industry of the United States
Hollywood
 movies claim that, it
will provides
Suggestion
will provide
 us
opportunitiy
a possibility due to a favorable combination of circumstances
opportunity
opportunities
 to learn and understand their
culture
Use synonyms
. As
Use synonyms
hollywood
the film industry of the United States
Hollywood
 movies are
great source
Suggestion
a great source
great sources
 of
information
Use synonyms
 and
enterainment
an activity that is diverting and that holds the attention
entertainment
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as we know, these movies are mostly based on various advanced
technology
Suggestion
technologies
 and modern world so watching them will provide us up-to-date
information
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, NASA mars mission movies is
best example
Suggestion
the best example
 of
movies
Suggestion
the movies
 which is based on latest exploration
on
Suggestion
of
other
any of various alternatives; some other
another
 planet. Moving
further
Linking Words
,
Accept space
,
the reason why community who thinks that, our
culture
Use synonyms
 get
bad impression
Suggestion
a bad impression
 if people start watching movies on foreign
culture
Use synonyms
 is because of their life style and moral values. It is common in western
culture
Use synonyms
 young people starts living together before their
marriage which
Accept comma addition
marriage, which
 is not very common in some community. In additions to
this
Linking Words
, some people believe, most of
Use synonyms
hollywood
the film industry of the United States
Hollywood
 pictures based on drugs and crime which can be a harmful for their children because they will get exposure of
such
Linking Words
 unknown things
.
Accept space
.
 From my viewpoint, I think
,
Accept space
,
 we should watch
Use synonyms
hollywood
the film industry of the United States
Hollywood
 pictures as they do have significant
information
Use synonyms
 and great source of
enterianment
an activity that is diverting and that holds the attention
entertainment
.
Moverover
in addition
Moreover
, movies are they only way in which we can understand and learn what is going on around the world with emotions. To conclude, we can say that, they do provide great
information
Use synonyms
 and knowledge on various
aspect
Suggestion
aspects
 of the society and
culture
Use synonyms
. Watching other kind of movies will not harm our
culture
Use synonyms
 if we educate people to take in
positive way
Suggestion
a positive way
 and learn something
such
Linking Words
 movies.
Submitted by JIMMY SHARMA on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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