IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Today’s schools should teach their students how to survive financially in the world today. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#today’s #schools #students #world
With increasingly globalized world, our life became significantly dependent of financial relationships.
Everyday
Suggestion
Every day
 we need to deal with anything that involves
money
, once is almost impossible stay away from situations which is related it.
Therefore
, financial basic
knowledge
 should be one of the subjects in schools. The study about financial survival is a controversial theme that some groups of people
defend
clearly characterized or delimited
defined
 as
something
Suggestion
Something
 that should be taught at schools. Financial
knowledge it
Accept comma addition
knowledge, it
 should be a mandatory subject
at
Suggestion
of
schools
Suggestion
Schools
 like math and science,
for example
. The school supplies the children with
basics
Suggestion
basic
 teachings as for
next
schools
Suggestion
school
 degrees as for their lives.
However
, financial
knowledge
 is probably understood as
subject
Suggestion
a subject
that is
 not important to children because they do not deal with
money
 diary and their parents do it, but it is extremely controversial, once is something we face every single day in adult life. For
this
 reason, schools are essential to teach about
basics
Suggestion
basic
 finances. The children would have
knowledge
 how to survive with their incomes, when they become adults.
Consequently
, many of them would not have financial troubles and they would have learned how to invest
money
. Even
this
 seems negligible; in a great group it is relevant for economic country. In the other hand, some groups of people believe that financial
knowledge it
Accept comma addition
knowledge, it
 is no essential to children for the reason of
this
 is
knowledge
 for adults,
then
 schools should not be involved with
this
. The argumentation is that the
finances
Suggestion
finance
 topics are self-study or
families
Suggestion
family's
 teachings.
Thus
, is
knowledge
 each one should learn by themselves according to their
interesting
Suggestion
interests
 and financial situation. As a conclusion, financial education is never approached as during primary school as during academic graduation. Neither graduation teaches the students about finances in their professions.
Thus
, each one
learn
Suggestion
learns
 finances by themselves and sometimes face many
money
 troubles because they do not have
appropriate
Suggestion
the appropriate knowledge
knowledge
 about financial education if it would be learned before
Submitted by Vinicius Castro on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: