IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, or to increase knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#people #college #university #experiences #career #preparation #support
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Many
people
 attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
 or
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 after their high school years for several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
. I believe that the most common reason why
people
 attend
to
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apply
show examples
university
 or
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
is to have new experiences
on
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in
show examples
 life, to prepare for a
career
, and to
increase
 their
knowledge
 of their personality.
Firstly
, many
people
 attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
university
 or
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 to have new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life. Many
students
 leave their
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 and move to live by
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
 when they go to
university
.
This
 is the first time that they have to make a resolution on their own, without their parents’ help. Making their own decisions will
increase
 their
knowledge
 of
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
.
Moreover
,
students
on
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at
show examples
 the
university
 can meet different
students
 from different nationalities and religions so
students
 can learn about different
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 around the world.
Secondly
, many
people
 go to
university
 or
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 to prepare for a
career
.
Career
 training is becoming more important nowadays to young
people
 compared to old
people
. At
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
collage
,
students
 learn many skills for their
career
 and they intern an internship with a lot of chances. All of these things prepare them for their
career
.
Also
,
students
 attend
university
 or
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
 to
increase
 their self-
knowledge
 of their personality
on
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in
show examples
 life. They attend for that to
increase
 their
knowledge
in
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of
show examples
 different subjects which they find interesting.
For example
, many
students
 study science because they
are interest
Change the verb form
are interested
show examples
 in science but they work on other types of business.
To sum up
, I think
people
 should not only focus
a
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on a
show examples
career
 when they go to
university
 or
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
collage
. They have to follow
about
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apply
show examples
their personality and the great world around them
Change preposition
in
show examples
which they live
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to have new
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and
knowledge
.
People
 attend college or
university
 for many different reasons (
for example
, new experiences,
career
 preparation, or to
increase
knowledge
). Why do you think
people
 attend college or
university
? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Submitted by squirrel on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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