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Band 5.5

Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #animals
Although
 some part of society believes that all types of wild creatures ought to be under protection, others claim that only a few of them should. In my opinion, I think that we are obligated to protect every form of life as it makes
nature
 more diverse. On the one hand, as humankind, we should
to
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keep the world as naturally diverse as we can.
In other words
, future generations should have
a
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the
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 possibility to discover
whole
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the whole
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 beauty of our planet
instead
 of a limited version of it.
Additionally
, wild creatures are part of a local environment, in which elements interact with each other.
This
 is why we should keep them to life, their downsized number could cause several serious consequences
such
 as
death
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the death
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 of other elements of
the
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apply
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nature
.
For example
, if we let tigers die, it will cause irrevocable changes in the food, chains,
which
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of which
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 they are part
of
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.
On the other hand
, some of those animals are dangerous and once an individual encounters them, they can pose a threat.
For instance
, an encounter with a lion can lead to a terrible outcome.
Therefore
, some people think that
protection
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the protection
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 of wild creatures ought to be put in place only for
some
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certain species.
Lack
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The lack
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 of necessary resources is another reason for those restrictions. Several countries do not possess enough money to protect all endangered animals, so they decided to help with survival only in specific cases. In my opinion, people should care about
a
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the
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 survival of as many species as we can, because it has a positive impact on the whole globe. Our
nature
 is one of the most important things to remember
about
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when we make that important decision.
Moreover
, we have to keep in mind, that some alterations, after implementation, are almost impossible to undo.
To conclude
, I believe that we should keep
the
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apply
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nature
 as unchanged as we are able, in order to ensure our descendants a possibility to discover the beauty of our planet.
Submitted by Aga on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses both views effectively. Ensure that you fully discuss the views presented in the prompt and explain your opinion in more depth.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is well-maintained, with a clear introduction and conclusion. You have effectively presented cohesive ideas. Try to improve the connection between supporting points and provide a more systematic argument progression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • conservation status
  • ecological significance
  • holistic approach
  • endangered species
  • natural heritage
  • unforeseen negative impacts
  • economically non-viable
  • prioritization
  • ecosystem balance
  • conservation efforts
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