Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Although

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some part of society believes that all types of wild creatures ought to be under protection, others claim that only a few of them should. In my opinion, I think that we are obligated to protect every form of life as it makes

nature

Use synonyms

more diverse. On the one hand, as humankind, we should

Change the verb form

apply

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keep the world as naturally diverse as we can.

In other words

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, future generations should have

Correct article usage

the

show examples

possibility to discover

whole

Correct article usage

the whole

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beauty of our planet

instead

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of a limited version of it.

Additionally

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, wild creatures are part of a local environment, in which elements interact with each other.

This

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is why we should keep them to life, their downsized number could cause several serious consequences

such

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death

Add an article

the death

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of other elements of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature

Use synonyms

For example

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, if we let tigers die, it will cause irrevocable changes in the food, chains,

which

Change preposition

of which

show examples

they are part

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apply

show examples

On the other hand

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, some of those animals are dangerous and once an individual encounters them, they can pose a threat.

For instance

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, an encounter with a lion can lead to a terrible outcome.

Therefore

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, some people think that

protection

Correct article usage

the protection

show examples

of wild creatures ought to be put in place only for

some

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apply

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certain species.

Lack

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The lack

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of necessary resources is another reason for those restrictions. Several countries do not possess enough money to protect all endangered animals, so they decided to help with survival only in specific cases. In my opinion, people should care about

Correct article usage

the

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survival of as many species as we can, because it has a positive impact on the whole globe. Our

nature

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is one of the most important things to remember

about

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apply

show examples

when we make that important decision.

Moreover

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, we have to keep in mind, that some alterations, after implementation, are almost impossible to undo.

To conclude

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, I believe that we should keep

the

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apply

show examples

nature

Use synonyms

as unchanged as we are able, in order to ensure our descendants a possibility to discover the beauty of our planet.

Submitted by Aga on Tue Jul 21 2020

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task response

Your essay provides a clear response to the task and addresses both views effectively. Ensure that you fully discuss the views presented in the prompt and explain your opinion in more depth.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of your essay is well-maintained, with a clear introduction and conclusion. You have effectively presented cohesive ideas. Try to improve the connection between supporting points and provide a more systematic argument progression.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

330 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

biodiversity
ecosystem
conservation status
ecological significance
holistic approach
endangered species
natural heritage
unforeseen negative impacts
economically non-viable
prioritization
ecosystem balance
conservation efforts

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Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that few wild animals should be protected instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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