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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagrams below show the life cycle o f a species o f large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life cycle o f a species o f large fish called the salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#diagrams #show #life #cycle #f #species #fish #salmon #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The provided diagrams illustrate the process of
salmon
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 cycle. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective,
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 diagram presents the
life
Use synonyms
 cycle of
salmon
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 the
second
Linking Words
 one shows that the
salmon
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
 can be divided into three parts: fry, smelt, and
finally
Linking Words
 adult
salmon
Use synonyms
. The starting point of
salmon
Use synonyms
's
life
Use synonyms
called
Add a missing verb
is called
show examples
 fry
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when their length is just about 3-8 cm. During the
second
Linking Words
period
Add a comma
,period
show examples
 they become larger in size growing
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 12-15 cm.
However
Linking Words
 during the
third
Linking Words
 part of their cycle of
life
Use synonyms
, when they are
considrered
Correct your spelling
considered
 as adult salmons, the significant change is noticeable; they are reaching 70-76 cm, which is
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
7 times bigger than when they are fries. First of all, the
salmon
Use synonyms
 eggs are located under the small stones, that are usually situated among reeds. Approximately 5-6 months
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 needed to the eggs
become
Fix the infinitive
to become
show examples
 fries. After it, for about 4 years salmons are living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the lower level of rivers, which
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fast flowing. Once they become the smelt, they change their living area to open sea, where they spend roughly 5 years.
Finally
Linking Words
, adult salmons lay eggs in the upper part of the river because of the slow
moving
Replace the word
movement
show examples
 there.
Then
Linking Words
,
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the process starts over again.
Submitted by Aisulu Omirbekova on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally, second".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, life with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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