IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people say smoking should be banned and some say it is not a good idea what is your opinion on this ?

Smoking is dangerous for the health of both,
smoker
Use synonyms
 as well passive
smoker
Use synonyms
. Thereby, it's
is
Suggestion
been
 argued that smoking should be completely
banned but
Accept comma addition
banned, but
 it would not be fair
with
Suggestion
to
 smokers.
Hence
Linking Words
 some alternatives and be
fallowed
make it possible through a specific action or lack of action for something to happen
allowed
followed
 to conquer the adverse effect of smoking on the others life. To start with, there is no doubt, taking
breath
Suggestion
a breath
breaths
 in effective air by cigarette is as harangue for individual as one person who is smoking.
Linking Words
Consequently
Suggestion
Consequence
, Not only
smoker
Use synonyms
's life in danger, but, all people's lives who are involved in surrounding, because of its cause thousand
patient
Suggestion
patients
of
Suggestion
with
 cancer
are fighting
Suggestion
is fighting
 for their life
,
Accept space
,
everday
found in the ordinary course of events
everyday
.
Linking Words
Moreover toxic
Accept comma addition
Moreover, toxic
 ingredients in cigarette
pollute
Suggestion
pollution
 to air
,
Accept space
,
when that air inhaled by
risporatory
pertaining to respiration
respiratory
 patient, children, pregnant women for
long time
Suggestion
a long time
,
Accept space
,
 that works as position.
As a result
Linking Words
, baby born
in
Suggestion
with
this
Linking Words
 condition might suffer many
disorder
Suggestion
disorders
. On
other side
Suggestion
the other side
,
totally prohibition
Suggestion
a totally prohibition
 on the smoking is unfair with
Use synonyms
smoker
Suggestion
a smoker
smokers
the smoker
. It is like snatching their freedom from them. According to
survey
Suggestion
the survey
surveys
,
Accept space
,
 80% addicted people start their day with smoking. Without smoking they can not be able to provide
well
Suggestion
good
 performance. There would be
big chance
Suggestion
a big chance
 of loss in productivity Keeping all aspects in mind, there are
Palthora
Suggestion
a plethora
plethora
 of alternatives to tackle
this
Linking Words
 situation.
First
Linking Words
 of all, awareness among the people can solve plenty of
problem
Suggestion
problems
.
As a
Linking Words
result some
Accept comma addition
result, some
 people might be quiet smoking.
Linking Words
Moreover they
Accept comma addition
Moreover, they
 start avoiding
public place
Suggestion
public places
 at smoking time.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, there must be
rule regulation
Suggestion
rules, regulation
rules regulation
such
Linking Words
 as fat penalty for
person
Suggestion
a person
the person
 who is caught smoking
at
Suggestion
in
 public place
.
Accept space
.
 In the conclusion, smoking should not be banned
becaues
for the reason that; on account of
because
 it would not be fair with addicted people
.
Accept space
.
 But it should be banned at public place. For
this
Linking Words
 government and individuals need to come together to face
this
Linking Words
 problem.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: